22 Mar 2010

# 2 - I Comment Therefore I Am

About two weeks ago Dalie from Generation X Mom discussed a hot topic: sex. She proposed few questions about when is the appropriate time to have 'the talk' with kids.

Do you think a formal "talk" is appropriate? Do you leave it up to the school's sex education classes? How did you go about "the talk" and at what age with your kids? Are you prepared to talk to your 10-year-old about oral sex?
Bearing in mind that sometimes parents can't control how our society exposes sex images to kids on daily basis (video clips in which women and men are half naked - Lady Gaga comes to mind), I answered:

I remember doing science and talking about reproduction at the age of eleven, but I don't think I wanted to discuss it with my mother (although at the time I promised myself to discuss with my children before science classes). I didn't talk about sex with my mother but, as curious as I was I learned more about it through teen magazines. That helped me decide not to do anything like that until late age (ah, ah, ah...).

I would like to explain to my future kids what sex is but I wouldn't go into details at the tender age of ten by talking to them about oral sex (that would be too much). We should bear in mind that our society is forcing sexual images on children on daily basis, therefore at a young age a child is force to indoctrinate him/herself of something they don’t fully comprehend. But for a parent to talk about petting and oral sex at a 10-year-old child I think is inappropriate (I don't have a kid yet, but if I think about my nieces and nephews, I don't think I can talk about that kind of sexual intercourse) I think it shouldn't be on the agenda until they are maybe 13/14 years old. But we are in 2010, things can change so quickly; and as we are human beings who change their thoughts so often I can change my mind fast.

Unknown Mami

I think you should check out her blog for more hot topics... Before you go please leave a comment so I know you are around ;)!


  1. I'm in such denial that I'll ever have to talk to my boys about this some day. Denial. Complete denial.

    Stopping by to welcome you to SITS!

  2. I think it's a parent's responsibility to discuss "the subject" with their children. Something I'm not looking forward to but it has to be done. Ugh. Welcome to SITS.

  3. I don't even want to THINK about my daughter and sex, lol. I'm going to take it one year at a time and cross that bridge when I get there! haha. But yea, I think parents should discuss it first generally.

    Also, dang that you live in Europe, they are open to US only right now but I'll make sure to let you know when I get a sponsor that will ship anywhere! :)

  4. Hey, what a surprise to find this post! Thanks for mentioning my blog!

  5. I didn't get to have "the talk" with the eldest back in the day. Her older cousin had just gone thru 5th-grade sex ed, so he told her while we were on vacation. And she was just a 3rd-grader. So much for being a vigilant parent, huh? The good news is she turned out just fine!

  6. What a cute blog!

    My friend an I were just talking about when she's going to talk to her son (who is now 5 months old). It seems like it's necessary at a younger and younger age!

    If you don't talk to them, they'll learn it the wrong way from friends and movies!

  7. I favor informal talks (using age appropriate levels of detail )as soon as the subject comes up. Sex. Drugs. Smoking....etc.

    Like you said, it comes up in the media. There's no magic age, but it's easier to say, 'remember when we talked about XXXXX,...' and then go into more details.

    with my oldest, she asked how babies are made when she was about 4. You take some parts like mom and some parts like dad and put them together in mommy's tummy where it turns into a baby. Then we showed cartoon pictures of fetus development.

    We talked about how the baby might get hair like mom and a smile like dad or eyes like her.

    now we're at the stage where someone tells a joke and tv and she says, "I don't get it"...and we tell her, "it's about sex, do you still want to know?"...she usually answers no.
    My oldest is 10. Oral hasn't ever come up...and I'm OK with that.

  8. I remember when I had the talk and this was not a part of it. Stopping from SITS!

  9. We've talked about some elements. Like that you can't touch girls' butts (a chronic problem w/#2) or that you can't kiss girls on the mouth (also a problem w/#2), and that maybe having a girlfriend at age 4 is a little early (#2 again; seeing a theme here?). But my oldest who is 8 is completely in the dark. He's so sweet and innocent I hate to ruin that. Think my plan is to go over things with hot-pants-#2 and let him tell his big brother. He'd love that!

  10. This is a good question-- my daughter's only 18 months old, but I know it's a talk we'll have to have eventually. My parents actually didn't have that talk with me. I guess they're lucky I listened well in health class at school!

    I see from the other commenters you're a SITSa!

    Confessions From A Working Mom

  11. I've had the where babies come from talk with her. Because she was curious about how her baby brother got here, she was five at the time. I'll have THE TALK when I think she's ready or she asks. I don't think it should be a schools responsibility but if their going to have a class where they talk about sex, it should be informative and give them all the information they need to make informed decsions. Just my two cents.

  12. I am not in the position to worry about that, but I think it is amazing how early kids are exposed.

    WELCOME...to SITS! We are so happy to have you join. I'm hosting a "sweet" giveaway...come on over. :D

  13. I think it's wonderful that you have a plan in mind, but are flexible enough to know that you can and may change it.

  14. Hey Ms BP, that's a solid and well thought out response. It's good to think about these things ahead of time even though we all dread 'the talk'. I make sure that my kids know to name their parts and what are private parts, to start with and then take it stage by stage, using age appropriate and realistic language. It's a hard one but I'd rather they learn the real facts from me.

  15. personally, i think i'd start as early as possible. i don't have kids right now, so maybe it's easy to say, but its really scary to think about things like the 2 6th graders who got pregnant in my hometown a couple years ago. 6TH GRADE.
    so, yeah, starting young seems to be a good plan. for the record, my mom never talked about it, i learned everything from magazines like 17 and YM. perhaps as the mom of a teenage girl, looking for a mag with straight talk and giving it to your daughter could help.


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