7 May 2010

The Dilemma...

There are times in life when you find yourself at the crossroad. You must choose one direction to live your life.

Hubby and I are in that crossroad at the moment!

Let's me tell you the story.

Road 1. Last month Hubby found a great opportunity for his career and he applied for it. Added to this opportunity was the possibility to live near the sea and closer to his family in BRITAIN. This sounded too good to be true and he resulted that he will never get that opportunity. But yesterday the company offered him the position. THIS IS GOOD news!

Road 2. Last month his boss, who is about to relocate to CANADA for a new career opportunity, offered him a life changing experience in the country. The boss knew about Road 1, so he gave him time to go through all the process.
And NOW here are the pros and cons of the dilemma!

Advantages of Road 1: living near the sea, if we have children they will know paternal GranPa and GranMa very well, long sedentary life (obviously we can do sea activities but please understand me) and the opportunity for Hubby is long term position.
Disadvantages will be: we know the place and I cannot see any challenging opportunity for me. It is the comfort zone, no fear, just order and structure. Conventions and life lived in the slow lane. Deep down I have fear of that conformity.

Advantages of Road 2: living in fast lane (because we don’t know the place), deep bounding between Hubby and I, we can learn how to ski and if we have children they can tell their friends the diverse experience in a different land. I will always look at everything with loving eyes, and I know that it will be a great opportunity for me to break barriers. We are still young and this will give us the flavour of adventure. The family will always have an excuse to come and visit us in CANADA. Since I’ve known my Hubby, I have come to love the unknown.
Disadvantages will be: long distance from our families, the cold (I hear you cannot leave the house some weeks in the winter season). Expensive flights back to Europe. The opportunity for Hubby is short term position.

This is MY dilemma, because if Hubby was a single man he might vote for something else. His career have taken him to various places (we met whilst he was working in Italy 9 years & 1month ago), so maybe he would have chosen the right opportunity for his life and career.
We had a little conversation:

ME: “Listen to your heart, Hubby.”
Hubby: “I have to listen to you...” WOW, now I realise how much he cares for me... tears are falling down.

So, my lovely online friends, I. NEED. your HELP. I cannot make this decision ALONE. Plus asking my family will be biased. So, I am asking for your advice (to listen to the heart is not an option in this quest... obviously we will end up doing what is good for US as a couple.)

What should I do? What would you do if you were in the crossroad? Take Road 1 or Road 2. Please please, I need your opinion.


  1. Tough choice. I would take the safe route, because I am a safe kinda gal, but would one day lament not having explored the more exciting one. I speak from experience on that point. Lucky for me my parents traveled many places and gave us the opportunity to live in other countries so I always felt comfortable as an adult make safe, long term life choices; I knew I'd already had those experiences. At times I find myself wishing I would have gone a different way, but when I look at Dumb Dad and the life we've created I know I'm exactly where I want to be. Point is, either way will lead you to happiness, and one day, when you are a happy family, you will realize you are where you are supposed to be.

  2. Wow this is a difficult one. I might just throw caution to the wind and go for the adventure in Canada. Whereabouts by the way? My sis lived in Toronto for a couple of years and enjoyed it. Do think about issues for you e.g. will you get work visa easily, what's childcare like etc (re your plans). Maybe make a full pros and cons list for both options. But you're both young, not too weighed down with life matters and it's not everyday you get an opportunity to make a big move to another country. So long as you're both in it together, it's safe to make a leap of faith.

  3. Just visiting from Friday Follow. When you get a chance, swing by my place and check out some great giveaways! Have a great weekend!


  4. Stopping from SITS! I have loved living with a few hours on family. For me being near family would a choice so JDaniel could know them. Without children adventure in a new place would be fun. You can always move close to family later.

  5. First and foremost - Look STRAIGHT to GOD for direction. If there is a timeline to make a decision and it is urgent - stop right this second, get on your knees and ask God to give you CLEAR direction.

    It is so hard when you come to a crossroads to have peace about your decision. I have been there the last 4 weeks, struggling with the unknown, fear, sadness...excitement over possibilities...and you have encouraged ME to stay strong and keep praying.

    I am returning the favor - no matter what you choose to do - unless you put God smack in the center - it's not going to be a good thing. I can promise you that. Things, places, experiences...they may be great...ideal even...but if it's not where GOD and GOD alone wants you...it's not going to turn out like you think.

    Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you.

    See him first...pray with hubby for direction...and YOU follow Hubby's lead...he is the head of your household.

    (((HUGS))) I will be praying big time for you gal!

  6. Stopping by from FF and am your newest blog-stalker! :)

    Hope you'll come on over and follow back. My journey to being a stay-at-home-mom is about to get started!

  7. Here from FF and wanted to say hi.
    Take a minute an check my blog out if you haven't already.
    I have lots of great giveaways going on.
    Thanks :)


  8. Thanks ladies for your insights. I am taking everything on board. Very interesting.

  9. @Babes about Town, the place in Canada is Saskatoon!

  10. I think Route 1 sounds like a good opportunity to do something you couldn't do otherwise. I would go with that one. Right now my husband and I live 400+ miles from our families, but it is nice because we are learning to be a couple and depend on each other more than our family (We've been married less than a year). Eventually we will move home, but why not take some adventure while you can? Especially if you don't have kids right now, since that makes moving more challenging.

  11. Are both opportunities something your hubby LOVES to do? I'd first look at what would make him happiest. It's no good working somewhere that makes you feel worn down.

    I would take the safe one, but I get the feeling you'd be happier with the adventure.

    I love being close to family, but it was nice to grow together as a couple when we only had each other - no family anywhere close.

    Your kids will love what you love. If you like being adventurous, for the most part, so will they....esp in the first 9 years.

    Living by the sea is NOT sedentary. There's always an adventure waiting....even if it has to be on weekends or vacations.

    It does help to be close to mom/mom-in-law when you have your baby.

    How soon do you need to decide?

  12. I, myself, took road #2 and moved from Canada to New Zealand. Didn't regret it one bit.

    The pro/con route is an excellent way to go. Listening to your gut feelings is good, too.

    I found that the right choice was easier - everything fell into place calmly and easily. The wrong choice (for us) was wrought with difficulty, delay, and problems.

    Best of luck!! No matter what all of us say, only you and your family can make the decision.

    (Feel free to message me if you want to chat about our experiences moving long distance away from family)

  13. Stopping by from SITS to say hello! I say stay close to family...but I'm a huge fan of my family and couldn't live without 'em so I might be biased :)

  14. @ RainSplats, Hubby has till next week to decide. It is true having mom/mom-in-law close as a new mom is an advantage. My mom-in-law said she will come and visit for a month each year if we opt for Canada. My mom will do the same. That is good news.

  15. I am following you on Friday Follow.

    Jeanette Huston


  16. Canada & New Zealand are actually similar in a lot of ways. We had to get used to new jargon, a new indigenous culture, different food, and a different mindset. Sometimes we look longingly back at Canada and think about moving back, but a visit usually sets us right again. The move was the best thing we did.

    Yes, depending on where you are, they can both be spacious. But Auckland, NZ isn't. And Toronto, Ontario isn't really, either. It really depends on where you go.

    My parents come out every other year to visit us, and that's great too.

    You can email me at rhetana at hotmail dot com if you like! ;)

  17. Tough life changing decision but very exciting. no matter what, it will be a great adventure for you and you rhusband to embark upon together. Best of luck. Talk to your husband and go with your hearts! I'm your newest follower from Friday Follow! Hope you will come check out mine!
    Debi(Truthful Mommy)

  18. That's a choice! As a mom with kids, family is so important, so is stability and a place to call home long term. Moving kids around when they are older (school age) is tough. I know people do it all the time, but I personally do not like it. I would move back to be near my family in a heartbeat if given the opportunity.

    If you choose the other...it will be a different experience and could also be a positive idea...you do not have children now, so now may be the time to "risk" it. What opportunities will open up as a result of this shorter term position?

    I know I am no help.

  19. @ Holly, thanks for your comment it is helpful.

    I understand what you mean by stibility when kids are involved. And for us new opportunities mean shaking us out of our comfort zone. :)

  20. I live in Canada in Toronto, ON. Saskatoon, the population is just over 200,000. So not a huge city that you would get lost in.
    Plus you said this was a short term opportunity, so it sounds like eventually you will be back in the United Kingdom with the family.
    Yes, the winters there can get really cold, but I don't believe so much that you would be totally housebound for a week or more.
    I think I would go for the adventure and head out to Canada.
    The problem with the location in Britain is that it sounds like you might be bored out of your mind. Which would not be good

    I am now following you from on GFC as thrifty canucks.
    Please visit my blog and if you can follow me too at

  21. For me it would be easy, close to family and safe. That is just my personality. Best of luck either way!
    Happt SITS Saturday Sharefest!


  22. Best of luck!! No matter what all of us say, only you and your family can make the decision.
    indian classified site

  23. Visiting from Friday Follow.
    We now follow you publicly through google friend connect. Please visit Mom to Bed by 8 and do the same.



Yes, I L*O*V*E them and look forward to receive great advice and encouragement. Let me know you are here, just write hi :)

THEODORA OFOSUHIMA © 2009-2014. All rights reserved. Seek Permission Before Reproduction. Powered by Blogger.
Designed By Boutique-Website-Design