30 Jun 2010

Thoughtful Wednesday: Combining Feminism and Home Goddessness

When I was young, in the mid-90s, I did not know there was a word such as feminist. A work which encapsulated everything a strong woman should be like. However, instinctively I was one. I hated everything to do with women choirs, (but, I adored cleaning, and treated my cleaning as a work of art, I was the only one who did it best). During dinner time my mother would call me away from the television telling me "Come and learn how to cook..."

"How about G.?" I would say pointing at my brother.

"This is a girl's work not a boy's." I really hated to know that a girl was not allowed to sit and watch television like a boy.

Other times she would say "You have to learn how to cook for when you get married."

With phrases like that I would twitch my lips and be impertinent by answering back "I won't get married then." I really meant it and she would become livid with me.

Bear in my that she has always being a very hard working woman, who managed to bring up five children alone without a man because the husband passed away when the children were young. But, being a woman and having a daughter like me, she wanted to teach me how to be a good wife.

However, one thing she always encouraged me to do was reading my school books. She wanted me to become a lawyer or become someone important in life. And I always got her on this point.

Whenever there was a television program that I really liked, if she called me away and I remembered her weakness, I would open my book and say "I am studying for school." In this way my mother would leave me alone to my books. In the meantime I would be reading with one eye and watching telly with other.

These were my first signs of feminist thinking.


Growing up I always felt the need to be strong, independent and when the anthem for this feeling came out thanks to the Destiny's Child, I shouted and danced to it in front of the telly. My mother would then smile and say "My daughter is going mad..."

I related to the lyrics and sung Survivor without even being through any hardcore relationship. I was a real Destiny's Child generational kid. Never letting a man pay for my share of a dinner and demanded to be treated as equal.Wearing side slip red dresses at church, wearing trousers instead of skirts, being a rebel!


Then when I was seventeen, I met a guy who was dreaming about us together and forever. On our second date he carried himself away and said "I can see us in the future, you with your hairdressing salon and me with my gas station. I will buy you wonderful clothes and shoes." He talked as if that was my only dream. I went running... Okay, okay maybe it was too much for a second date?

Few years later, I then met my Hubby and all this boldness relented with time, just in moderation (I am still my little stubborn self). He believes that a woman and a man should share duties. That there should not be set rules for men and women.

Surely God knows me well to have sent me a man like him :)!

However, now that I am planning to become a mother, I want to be a feminist/house goddess. Someone who needs to be strong, independent, a hard worker but at the same time love to stand behind the stove. A woman who wears the glove on one hand and holds the pen on the other. Become a real Ms. Baby Plan, between diapers and dictionaries ;)!

Now to you, my readers.

Do you feel more feminist or home goddess?



8 comments:

  1. Im definitely more "Home Goddess", but it's never the role I thought I would be in1 Prior to becoming a wife and mother, I was Ms. Independent all the way. But as I settle more into the "Home Goddess" thing, I actually enjoy it. I just wish that the two didn't have to be so seperate! I am pretty old-fashioned in my ideals, and but I still have very feminist opinions and ideas! Who says I can't enjoy taking care of my husband AND want world domination... I mean, a technology related career of my own? :) Great Post!

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  2. I think women can definitely embody both roles and do it successfully. Of course, I haven't mastered it. If I had to choose one, I'd be classified as feminist for sure.

    I love Destiny's Child and have "Survivor" on my iPod right now.

    Visting from SITs.

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  3. I know I'm on the independent side of the fence. I hate cooking. Although I love cleaning, I hate doing laundry. I bought both my current and my previous homes on my own. And for the cherry on top (I'm sure some people will shudder, hopefully I don't cause an uproar on your blog Ms. BP), I kept my last name. But with all that, I take care of my husband. I'm definitely a nurturer and I RESPECT him as the man in the relationship.

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  4. No worries Ms. U, because in Italy you have to keep your surname after marriage. I kept mine and added Hubby's.

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  5. Popped in from Lady Bloggers! I'm a mix--I'm like a "Don't-Fence-Me-In" Home Goddess!

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  6. Hello ms.BabyPlan,

    Just found your blog!
    I guess you and I are alike coz I feltnthe same way growing up. However after studying at university we did a module all about feminists and though initially I loved that they were fighting for equal rights, I just felt like it was yet another label and that's the thing with me I hate it when ppl try to define me... So although I am a strong willed woman - I've always been much to the chargrin of my dad, I feel I can't use that to define what I am. I married young but my DH loves that we share things and have equal say. So i suppose I exist in a liminal space between the two!

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  7. I've written a few posts about the death of my feminist tendencies. It's been many years of working and then staying at home for me to realize that the thrust of that movement should have been to empower us to do what we want, not to force us into the workplace and make us put our kids in daycare. I feel it's done many women a disservice to feel their only contribution is in the corporate world. I'm making the world a better place by staying home to raise a good citizen.

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