14 Sep 2010

The Home Goddess or The Feminist Thinker

The following post represents the two sides of the person behind The Baby Plan. I wish many people read it, because it was written to question if it is possible to combine home goddess with feminism. Some people think that combining the two is difficult. I am re-uploading this one because I would like to read your opinion on it. The post is also one of the Thoughtful Wednesdays posts.

Thoughtful Wednesday is about sharing ideas, support and photos. Thoughtful Wednesday is about meaningful posts and thoughts :). If like me, you want insightful comments about the posts you write please join in every Wednesday!

Now read what I had to say on 30-06-2010 about combining Feminism and Home Goddess:

When I was young, in the mid-90s, I did not know there was word such as feminist. A word which encapsulated everything a strong woman should be like. However, instinctively I was one. I hated everything to do with women chores, (but, I adored cleaning, and treated my cleaning as a work of art, I was the only one who did it best). At dinner time my mother would call me away from the television telling me: “Come and learn how to cook…

How about G.?" I would say pointing at my brother.

"This is a girl's work not a boy's." I really hated to know that a girl was not allowed to sit and watch television like a boy.

Other times she would say "You have to learn how to cook for when you get married."

With phrases like that I would twitch my lips and be impertinent by answering back "I won't get married then." I really meant it and she would become livid with me. Bear in my that she has always being a very hard working woman, who managed to bring up five children alone without a man because the husband passed away when the children were young. But, being a woman and having a daughter like me, she wanted to teach me how to be a good wife. However, one thing she always encouraged me to do was reading my school books. She wanted me to become a lawyer or become someone important in life. And I always got her on this point.

Whenever there was a television program that I really liked, if she called me away and I remembered her weakness, I would open my book and say "I am studying for school." In this way my mother would leave me alone to my books. In the meantime I would be reading with one eye and watching telly with other. These were my first signs of feminist thinking.

Growing up I always felt the need to be strong, independent and when the anthem for this feeling came out thanks to the Destiny's Child, I shouted and danced to it in front of the telly. My mother would then smile and say "My daughter is going mad..."

I related to the lyrics and sung Survivor without even being through any hardcore relationship. I was a real Destiny's Child generational kid. Never letting a man pay for my share of a dinner and demanded to be treated as equal. Wearing side slip red dresses at church, wearing trousers instead of skirts, being a rebel!

Then when I was seventeen, I met a guy who was dreaming about us together and forever. On our second date he carried himself away and said "I can see us in the future, you with your hairdressing salon and me with my gas station. I will buy you wonderful clothes and shoes." He talked as if that was my only dream. I went running... Okay, okay maybe it was too much for a second date?

Few years later, I then met my now Hubby and all this boldness relented with time, just in moderation (I am still my little stubborn self). He believes that a woman and a man should share duties. That there should not be set rules for men and women.
Surely, God knows me well to have sent me a man like him :)!

However, now that I am planning to become a mother, I want to be a feminist/house goddess. Someone who needs to be strong, independent, a hard worker but at the same time love to stand behind the stove. A woman who wears the glove on one hand and holds the pen on the other. Become a real Ms. Baby Plan, between diapers and dictionaries ;)!

Now to you, my readers.

Do you feel more feminist or home goddess?

Please join in the conversation, and feel free to follow me ;)!

{REMINDER,tomorrow I am starting my Thoughtful Wednesday Blog Hop, please join in with a thoughtful post.}


  1. I wanted someone to buy me wonderful clothes and shoes! I am not sure how to answer this...by being whoever we want to be, by chasing our own dreams, whether we are home goddess or corporate executives we are powerful women. To me being a feminist means being who ever you want to be.

  2. Stopping from SITS! These days I think you need to have balance of both of these.

  3. I have struggled with this very thing over the last six years of marriage. While I hate the idea of being "controlled" by a man, being pushed down, and becoming a slave to chores, I relish the thought of being his help-mate. I enjoy staying home with my children, cleaning up after them, and taking care of the house.

    However, I have been known to note that I am less of a housekeeper than a homemaker. I get myself involved in projects and immerse myself in creativity. My husband often complains that I neglect the essential chores (I loathe laundry, for instance), to chase one project or another.

    So, I suppose that I have a feminist streak in that I follow my dreams, have an at-home business, and strive to be an equal in my household. Yet, I strongly feel that children are best taken care of by their mother in their own home, if at all possible. It is so hard, as a parent and a spouse, to create the proper balance.

    I also have a beef with feminism in that, with more women entering the workplace, it becomes harder for a man to earn a decent living wage in order to take care of his family, should his wife choose to stay home. Many employers only recognize the double-earning households, as if that is the norm. If all men had to carry the entire load, then they would most certainly be paid more.

    So, after that whole rant and can of worms, I must say that I feel that at-home moms should take care of the vast majority of the housework, and I agree that there are women's tasks and men's tasks. But, I'm old fashioned and prefer to rebel against feminism in many forms.

    Thanks for posting this. Hopping by from the To The Top Tuesday Blog Hop.

  4. So, interesting but tough questions :). I guess I don't consider myself either--maybe I'm somewhere in between. I definitely am very opinionated, strong willed and goal oriented but I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a feminist either. Although, I'm all for women power I know that I have limitations (esp. physical limitations). I'm not a home goddess either and I guess I don't strive to be. I like to maintain a "good" home for my own sanity and I guess my husband benefits from this too. LOL :) I think overall people have to do what works best for their marriage without having to completely compromise who they are.

  5. I am your newest follower! Hope you will return the favor http://adventuresofthedomesticatedmama.blogspot.com/2010/09/tuesday-blog-hops_14.html

  6. I think you can be both. Feminism isn't all about completely rebelling against everything. We can be loving wives at home.

    I am not a great housewife. I do the basics, but my house is nothing like my mums in terms of tidyness etc... and I am fine with that.

    I think it's important not to lose your identity whilst still being a wife and mother.

    Greta post. I'm a new follower.

  7. I consider myself a feminist in the way that I believe a woman must be strong, determined and chase her dreams even if it means it's not something a "woman" should do.

    To me it works out perfectly; I get to be the caretaker, cook, to my little man and at the same time I have time to go after my dreams, aspirations and be strong to do it by myself with no one supporting me.

    I'm glad God sent a man that thinks like you. This is great because you have support from one another, help push each other forward and get to enjoy each other to the fullest!

    I definitely agree that you can be both. A woman is multifaceted after all.=)

  8. I am much more the feminist, as I am not good domestically speaking. But I pull my weight. The hub and I do 50/50 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

  9. Combine the Home Goddess with the Feminist Thinker, have the best of both worlds!

  10. I completely understand you! I am Destinies Child generation too and I can relate with everything they say. Great post. This was truly a gem that need to be dusted off!

  11. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! I feel similar to how you felt as a child and wouldn't even talk about getting married or having kids like most little girls do because I wanted to be strong and thought those things were for girly girls. Now I embrace the challange and find that being a mom is WAY harder than working at a "job" you can't go home from it! However it is far more rewarding and I have learned to love cooking and taking care of my kids.

  12. I understand what you are saying, for I felt the same growing up. But, I don't like boxes and I don't like how the feminists, while trying to create an "equal" environment for women, have created BIG boxes for women to flounder in and a large divide amongst women.

  13. You made me cry at the sentences describing your mother as a working mom widowed and raising 5 children. This story is original and beautiful and again - puts me in the mind of Jamaica Kincaid - especially her story "girl" have you read it? You are fortunate to have met the right man - to not have to spend a lifetime of rebelling alone. You possess the courage and intelligence to hold the pen in one hand and wear the glove on the other one. Ironically, feminism wasn't invented with my mother and my grandmothers but they somehow found a way to "hold their own" as it we say here at home.


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