18 Nov 2010

Thoughtful Wednesday: Life In Colour - Something New

Where should I begin...

From the conversation with the man who says "I don't like White people... White people are wicked?" Or from the conversation with the man who says "Black people from Africa are stupid and they never invented anything important..."?

Or should I write about the situation in which a man talks to me as a equal sister and then once he founds out that I am married to a White man his attitude changes towards me? And says "I am not racist, but, but... African men are jeolous of their women..."

Years ago, one of my cousins told me "You don't know what people are saying behind your back because you are dating your boyfriend." Probably, they were thinking that been with a White man I've lost my identity... Lost to a different world, that I would never look back or go back to Africa.

But that is not me, because although my heart is for my "White" Hubby, I haven't lost my identity. In fact, I am the same person who wrote in 1994 Africa, I shall come back. I love Africa more than ever, and Hubby has been to Ghana and he loves it too. One day we will go there but that doesn't mean I will regret my life in Italy or Britain or in Canada. And learning History doesn't mean one have to hate everyone with the same colour of those who commited evil in other worlds.

I feel blessed to be Black African, who has experienced different ways of life. I would like to teach my children to learn to love who they are. To embrace both Ghanaian and British culture, to be able to be free and never let people box them. I would like them to see the difference between people and not judge people as a group. I would like them to view people as humans and not Black, Yellow, Red and White.

Humans are humans.

I see people as people... I don't think I have ever thought about my colour too much... yes, I have been subjected to racial abuses but I never lower myself to that level. Yes, I love to be Black but colour doesn't define me.

Limiting oneself due to colour and people's point of view on people dating people from other cultural background is well depicted in Something New. This is a 2006 film about biracial love relation in the United State. From wikipedia:

Kenya McQueen (Sanaa Lathan) is a successful, single African American woman who has sacrificed romance in order to pursue a career as a corporate attorney. Her obsessive compulsive desire for perfection and control has manifested itself in the bland, monochromatic decor of her new home and the rigid rules she follows in her personal life. Urged to loosen up by her friends, Kenya accepts a blind date with landscape architect Brian Kelly (Simon Baker) arranged by her co-worker Leah Cahan (Katharine Towne), who is in the process of planning the kind of wedding Kenya wants herself. The two meet at Starbucks, and she is disturbed to discover Brian is white, so she quickly excuses herself and leaves.

The two unexpectedly meet again at a party at Leah's parents' home, where Brian landscaped the grounds. Impressed with his work, Kenya decides to hire him to renovate her unkempt backyard garden. As time passes, their employer-employee relationship evolves into a friendship and then love.

Although Brian is helping her feel more comfortable about her living environment, Kenya finds it difficult to dismiss her reservations about their romance. The opinions of her girlfriends Cheryl (Wendy Raquel Robinson), Nedra (Taraji P. Henson), and Suzette (Golden Brooks), her upper class parents Joyce (Alfre Woodard) and Edmond (Earl Billings), and her womanizing younger brother Nelson (Donald Faison) begin to have a deleterious effect and Brian's unwillingness to discuss issues of color drives them apart.

Nelson introduces his sister to someone she views as a more acceptable suitor, tax attorney Mark Harper (Blair Underwood), who has just relocated to Los Angeles. The two begin to date, and while Joyce thoroughly approves, Edmond senses his daughter is not as happy as she was with Brian. Everything Kenya thought she wanted suddenly seems immaterial, and nothing Mark does ignites a spark between them. When the dissonance she’s developed finally overwhelms her, Kenya chooses to reunite with Brian, no longer allowing her controlling nature and social norms to dictate matters of the heart.
When I watched the movie for the first time, just few months ago, I felt in love with it.

Although on one hand I didn't relate to Kenya because when I met my now Hubby I was young enough not to think I can't love him because he is White and I am Black, I loved him for his personality and he is sincerity and never thought about his colour. He returned my love for who I am. We didn't let colour condition our relationship or us...

On the other hand, I can relate to Kenya because like her, sometimes I feel like I need to talk about colour issues in our relationship but at the same time I don't want to allow this kind of discussion to destroy something beautiful like our love. People will always have an opinion about us but we can stand strong against their preconceived ideas if we believe in the same values in life.

Does colour define people? Have you ever watched the movie Something New? If you are in a biracial relationship: have people ever questioned your identity or discriminated against you? How would you let your children embrace their double culture?

Please share with me.

P.S: Yesterday I couldn't post Thoughtful Wednesday, so you have it for Thursday :)!

Learn more here. Really, Thoughtful Wednesday is about sharing posts that make us think and write meaningful comments :).

Please be considerate and link up ONLY thoughtful posts, no reviews or giveaways posts - unless their thoughtful :)!


  1. what a great post!

    you know what's funny? i watched that movie "Something New" a year before I even started dating Sean. I never would have thought that, that would kinda be me in one year. I don't think of my husband as white. Because it doesn't define him. It is just one thing from the million and one things about him. I know he is white but that has nothing to do with why I love him or don't love him. When you connect with someone and they become your best friend and most favorite person in the world, the last thing that comes to mind is that he is white and I am black.

    I am just so freaking lucky that we have each other and that we didn't allow what others may think about interacial relationships to affect us. Because quite frankly, I don't give a damn! :)

  2. Lovely post! I'm Nigerian American and my husband is white. Although in our day to day life race hardly ever comes up there are times when it does and we try to handle those situations gracefully. I try to ignore the nay-sayers and people who look down on our relationship because my husband makes me happy, I make him happy and that is ALL that matters :-)

  3. You are both right.

    @ Faith "When you connect with someone and they become your best friend and most favorite person in the world, the last thing that comes to mind is that he is white and I am black."

    @Amy - all that matters is love and happiness.

    This person in question asked me what I look in a person to love.

    Sincerity, personality and love. And those are some of the great qualities in my Hubby.

  4. Great post! My husband is black and I am white, but we have never really had any problems. I think my grandfather was the only person that ever said anything about our relationship. But I agree, I dont' see my husband as black, he is a man that I love! I agree with Faith, I could careless about what other people feel about our relationship.

  5. I'm definitely going to rent that film Something New. I heard about it but never got around to checking it out. I am in a multicultural relationship and of course when it's just us (at home) we exist like any other couple but at times the outside world may have their opinion.
    I think it's important to feel comfortable talking about race, identity and color but not letting it be a major factor in every day life.

  6. Thank you for sharing your insight. I am white and I am not in a biracial relationship but I have no problem with them at all. I believe that there is not a human on this Earth that was not shaped in the image of God so I don't see how it should matter what color we were born. We are all children of God.

    All that said, I know that not all people feel that way. And it seems that those who don't feel the most compelled to share those opinions.

    You have found your soul mate. Be strong in your love and in your identity. They do not have to be in conflict.

    You seem very personally savvy and aware. I have no doubt that you and he will forge a fabulous life in all of the many places you will live.


  7. This post is right up my alley since I am also in an interracial marriage. I did see the movie years after my husband and I were dating. I thought it was great and I could identify with SOME of the things presented. I have been privy to some of those conversations that you've mentioned. When I was younger I used to be a hot head and lashed out but now that I'm older I don't let it bother me too much (a lesson I learned from my husband).

    I've thought about writing a post about something similar--something on the lines regarding myths about interracial relationships and couples. I'm glad you wrote this.

    Race shouldn't matter but unfortunately it does. What I've learned though is that if I'm uncomfortable and make a big deal out of things others feed off that and do the same.

  8. Thanks J, Monique, Star Traci and Mrs K.

    @J, we love the person we love for whom they are not for the colour :).

    @When people look at us, in my fantasy world, I think they are looking at us because we are both good looking :).

    @Star Traci you are so right, God created us in his own image, therefore there shouldn't be any problem about which colour we are born.

    Thanks for the lovely compliment "You seem very personally savvy and aware. I have no doubt that you and he will forge a fabulous life in all of the many places you will live."

    @Mrs K, we relate so much. I am hot headed too, but always knew what I want and how to stand for it, LOL (I will tell the story about how I stood against classroom abuses).

    I would love to read your points of view regarding myths about interracial relationships and couples.

    A friend of mine once said that his girlfriend thinks interracial couples break up easily... I was like "What?"

    Couples break up easily if they believe they don't have anything else to say to each other, not because they are in an interracial relationship. Esample Cox and Arquette, just to mention one...

  9. I so loved your post! I have always thought relationships were a heart matter - not a race or color matter! Whoever my boys bring through the door, whether it is a friend or a girl friend - it is always a matter of heart - and they become my children when they walk in. Now, if they have tantrums, use inappropriate language, and beat up on the brothers - well, then they are shown the door. I have only had to do that a few times with my sons' "white" friends - Like I said - it's about heart, nothing else!

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  12. The movie Something New was stupid IMO. As is the black dates black white dates white type of mindset.

    My hubby and I couldn't care less about what others think of our relationship.

  13. you really are fortunate [as i think i said in my first comment to you before i read any or your other stories] to have so many cultures in your hands and heart. and i always laugh now when anyone prefaces the most racial comment ever with "i'm not racist but..." which only ever means the opposite! you have much to offer in teaching people how to live - and so will your daughter. this is really the year i learned to "be the change you wish to see in the world." not to come back with hateful remarks when people make racist remarks around me. i love your freedom in living your life beautifully and writing about it.


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