8 Dec 2010

Thoughtful Wednesday: Can Lies Save Your Relationship?

Thoughtful Wednesday is about sharing posts that doesn't sit comfortable on our skin :).
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They say light lies doesn't kill a soul - or it doesn't go like that...

Mmmm, well... let me start with an episode in one of my philosophy lectures.

We were talking about an adaptation of Antigone. In this version Antigone knows that her mother and father are accidentally incestuous married. This means her father is her brother and her mother is her grandmother. Antigone knows this burning secret but can't reveal it to anyone because it will cause pain and humiliation to her beloved family. From the moment she comes to know the secret, she lives a painful life. The pain is worsen due to the fact that she can't marry the man she loves, because she can't bear keeping a secret from him - or lie to him.

Crazy eh... Greek mythology

The lecturer - a comic young man - after reading the philosopher point of view says "Silly girl, why would she worry so much about telling lies? Relationships ends when one of the partners doesn't lie any longer."

At this point my eyes went wide open and you could literally see the what? sign on my face.

I may be naive, but I believe that lies destroy relationships. I am one of those people who tell what is going through their mind and can't hide certain feelings from their loved ones. I like to tell people what bothers me. On the same note, I like to know what goes through the mind of my loved ones. I like the fact that you can be open with the one you love.

But again, maybe my lecturer was right. Maybe he is right to think that lying can save relationships. To keep some light lies hidden from the surface can help one live happy ever after. Maybe, it is okay to tell your loved one how much you fancy Leonardo Di Caprio, but it is not so okay to tell your love that you fancy the postman.

Let me divert...

I recently read in a psychology magazine in which the author argues that it is normal to fantasies, because this doesn't mean you don't love your partner. But to stray those fantasies in real life means there are some problems in your relationship. This writer also assures that most of us have fantasies which they keep buried inside. But letting these fantasies blind you and pursuing them in real life means you have to take a step back and question yourself "Do I really love my husband or wife."

On one hand it is okay to have fantasies, and these are not lies. But pursuing your fantasies and hiding that from your partner is a lie. Because in the first place you will be lying to yourself and to the person you supposedly love.

To conclude: I believe that lying doesn't save a relationship, because you will be making harm to yourself and to your partner. As adults we should be happy with ourselves and the person we've decided to spend the rest of our life with. Therefore, if there is something in your relationship that you believe is not going on alright, take the bull by the neck and deal with it instead of burying the head in the sand and pursuing other people's happiness.

Do you agree? Do you believe that everyone have fantasies? Would you be honest with your partner if your feelings do change? Do you believe that a person can love her or his partner but then want to have another person in her or his arms?


  1. Hi Ms. Baby Plan. I was trying to leave a comment and ended up creating a thumb nail. I can't figure out how to delete it. I didn't realize that I never officially followed your blog. Anyhow, I'm official.
    I love people. Really, really love people. When my fiance and I are at a party. We are usually at opposite ends of the room chatting it up with folks. We sometimes check in with one another but we don't just hang out together. At the end of a night out we may discuss who we thought was smart, witty or good looking. We both recognize strong character traits in others and we aren't afraid to express it. I consider my self and honest person, sometimes brutally honest(toning that down). I agree that it is certainly natural to be attracted to people I personally don't fantasize about other men but yes going through with it, is definitely a lie. It feels so good to have your partner truly know your heart.

  2. Don't worry about the link up. You can link up your posts every week if you like.

    Thanks for following me officially :)!

    I agree that it feels "good to have your partner truly know your heart."


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