8 Jun 2011

Thoughtful Wednesday: Are Children A Great Sacrifice?

This is what one of my husband’s work colleagues said few weeks ago before we told him that we are happily expecting our first child.

I will refer to him as KC. He is of those who is over the top with enthusiasm but who can also annoy you easily, because you know that as soon as you turn your back he will stab you. And my intuition tells me he is fake. During our stay in Canmore and Banff my hormones couldn’t stand him.

But before that we are driving to Banff and he is sitting on the back seat. I don’t remember how the conversation started but at one point he declares “Having children is a great sacrifice.”

I think about my situation, about how we planned and really wanted our first child without thinking too much about what the future holds. Just the hope and fantasy to see OUR LOVE reflected in the eyes and smile of a little version of us is pure joy. So I ask back “Why having children is a great sacrifice?”

“A person have to give up many things.”

“Did your mother give up something for having you?" KC doesn’t answer so I carry on “Maybe having you was a great sacrifice to your mother but I don’t think having me was a great sacrifice to my mother.” I know about the physical ‘sacrifice’ women go through when having children. I’ve heard about sleepless nights due a child. I also know that some women go through great depression but I don’t think having five children cut short my mother’s dreams. And all the good things about being a parent overcome these ‘sacrifices’.

Maybe according to KC child rearing is a great sacrifice to some parents. I believe that having children empowers people. If I think about how I’ve personally helped my mother over the years, I like to believe that I am a blessing and a God sent child :) and if I was a sacrifice to her, in the end I proved to be worth it.

Coming to my current situation, when I think about how I dreamt about our child, the desire to have Berry, is it NO way a sacrifice to my dreams. God blessing, I haven’t had a bad pregnancy so far. I am also lucky enough to be able to stay at home and work on my future career. Berry could have not happened to us in a perfect moment. So to hear someone say having a child is a great sacrifice it felt like a splash of pure iced water on my bare back, harsh and cruel. Not every person believe that having a child is a sacrifice.

During a North American range styled barbeque in Banff, when we saw some children happily playing around, KC asked my husband “How many children would you like to have?” AMI didn’t want to answer so I whispered in his ear to ask KC “How many do you want?”

KC said “None.” that explained it.

Then last Friday, after my prenatal visit, hubby happily told some of his work colleagues about our great news over a drink. Once AMI told everyone KC pointed out “It will cost at least 20% of your income to raise a child.” as if bringing up children is all about money.

Obviously, we pray we can financially support our future children, but what we care about most is to raise them with LOVE, AFFECTION, HAPPINESS, HEALTH, SECURITY and all that a person need to grow strong personally and socially.

I don’t want KC too close in our lives because I believe he springs out negativity. And from 2011 onward I did not want negative people around our lives. As soon as I got pregnant my sixth sense didn’t want him near. Thinking about it, maybe, this explains my sixth sense.

We planned when we wanted to start a family. We were looking forward to have a baby after my degree and now we are looking forward to hold Berry in our arms. To have our first child in our lives, and soon after a sibling – yes, we’re already thinking about the second child, (I have the nickname) LOL! And we will never thing that Berry and sibling are sacrifice to our lives. They will only be blessing! Our sleep might be cut in half after the baby is born, but I don’t see that as a great sacrifice, because the joy and love in us will overlook that.bush_holding_crying_baby-ashx Okay, I know KC is a funny chap and I should ignore whatever he says because he is not worth it. But maybe some people believe that having children is a great sacrifice. No-one should have a child if they are not ready. I believe in the philosophy “don’t do things to please others but only yourself.” And life shouldn’t be lived in regrets.

What do you think about this KC? Do you think having a baby is a sacrifice? What do children need most in their lives?

lifeofTOI

7 comments:

  1. i don't know if my opinion would matter much because i am not expecting and don't intend to start trying until very late next year ... the reason is because we are not ready right now.

    i think it is in some way a sacrifice but not a bad sacrifice but a sacrifice nonetheless.

    i hear of sleepless nights, parents not buying themselves new things because they would rather their children have it. also sacrificing it being just the two of you. right now hubby and i do what we want to do ... in the future it won't be that way. we will have to think about our children in every decision we make.

    so it is a sacrifice but when it is a sacrifice you choose to make it makes it less.

    hope that explains my position in a way that is not rude.

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  2. Lol! awwww you are too cute. . Its lovely sensing your motherly love and fierceness :) KC has a very bad way of expressing his thoughts huh!
    I have to agree with Faith. I believe children are great sacrifice to many people but the joy of having them should out way those sacrifices. But like most things in life, not many people are willing to make such sacrifices. and i have to commend KC for admitting he doesn't want any children due to his selfish view, than actually procreating and not being selfless when it comes to providing care and being responsible. Am sure if you dig deeper, you might see why he has such views :(

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  3. I agree with both ladies that having children is a sacrifice in many ways: sleep, your time- individual and couple, money, work, friendship. Anytime some energy is shifted from one area of our lives to another, there is sacrifice. But it's a choice you choose to make in your life when the time is right for you and your spouse. Children are definitely a blessing but not everyone sees it that way like KC. Mr. Pancakes and i definitely want children but we also know that right now we do not want to give up the time or money and our individual/couple plans to do that! In short having babies are both a blessing and a sacrifice and that can't shouldn't be a bad thing! That's just how the Pancakes look at it! KC was just insensitive in his tone and that should be annoying!

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  4. To me, sacrifice is not necessarily a negative thing. You make sacrifices every day in life - some bigger than others.

    Being a parent is a self-sacrificing job, no doubt about it. Is that a bad thing? No, of course not. Children are a gift - but one that requires a lot of sacrifices and a lot of love. For the majority of parents in the world, every one of those sacrifices are worth it at the end of the day. :)

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  5. I agree with all of the above. I don't think that sacrifice is necessarily a bad thing. My little Princess is almost 10 months old. My hubby and I have been married for almost 7 years and wanted to wait to have her because we knew that there were sacrifices involved that we weren't ready for at the time.

    She is a blessing and we've both have had to give up certain things. For me, I've had to cut back on my work load at my job, hanging out with friends etc. No matter how big or small sacrifices are necessary and I would do it all over again.

    If I were you, I would keep this guys as far away as possible. I stay away from negative energy. I don't want it rubbing off on me or my family. Congrats on your pregnancy!!!You'll make a fab mom!!!:)

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  6. I don't see the word sacrifice as such a negative thing. I would have given up anything for my kids and even though they are grown I still will. If my desire to have them and my love for them are a sacrifice...so be it!

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  7. I do think having children is a journey in sacrifice. Indeed it is our prerogative to choose that sacrifice, but it doesn't make it any less of a sacrifice. I know you've planned for your baby and want him/her very badly but there will be days when you are so exhausted that you realize all the things you've had to sacrifice. It may be hard to think of but your mother had to sacrifice some things to have you. Her body, her career, her identity, etc. Sounds like she made it all work out but I think denying the sacrifices she made for you is denying just how much she loved and gave a bit of herself for you.

    Also, I don't think everyone SHOULD want to have a kid and that it makes you a bad person if you don't want to have one, or you don't want to make that sacrifice. Just like it's fine for you to choose to I think it's fine for someone else to choose NOT to. I disagree with the commenter above who said that's a selfish choice. It is not. I actually think most people deciding to have children is a selfish decision because it's all about you: i want a child to look like me and hubby, I want to feel what it's like to have someone growing in me etc....all about what you want. Which is fine, it's genetics. But for me if you have someone who can say, look I WANT a child, but I'm not sure I'd be a good parent, or I'm not sure I can take care of it in the way i would want to etc, I think that's selfless.

    All things aside, KC's problem doesn't sound like his lack of desire to have children but the negativity he is projecting your way about your decisions. That you definitely don't need.

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