15 Jun 2011

Thoughtful Wednesday: How Many Children Are Enough?

family of eight When I was young I wished I was the only child. One of my elder brothers was bossy and my younger brother was a pain. I had to take care of him when our mother was at work. I had to take him with me whenever I went and all I wanted was to be alone with my friends. He would go through my things and I was always shouted at because of him. For these reasons I wanted to be the only child. In my opinion I had too many people around but I was misunderstood and lonely. Maybe I was only missing my sister, whom I was separated from when I was little.

You see, my sister and I are two years and 9 months age apart. We grew up together until she was sent to a boarding school and I was sent to a school near my granny. We both made new friends but we click easily as soon as we see each other. She is one of the few people I honestly trust. Not living near her made me feel like I wanted to be the only child, without painful siblings. Thankfully things have changed, my younger brother is not a pain anymore and the elder brother who was bossy is not that anymore.

However a part of me always fancied the idea of the only child, even when friends who were only child were telling me it sucks to not have a sibling. I wasn’t thinking about my own child and hers or his siblings. I was thinking about my personal experience and what other friends who have male siblings said. But I knew that if I was going to have more than one child I was never going to separate them. Also, I wanted to give them equal love and attention so that one will not accuse me of loving the other more. And also help them have a strong fraternal or sisterly bond.

When we got married, hubby and I didn’t talk too much about children but when we did I was convinced that I wouldn’t mind having just one child. To which idea hubby would say “A child without siblings might be lonely.

To which I would reply “The child might grow to be creative.” obviously that didn’t convince him, however I wasn’t ready to start a family because my attention was on other stuff. I really wanted to enjoy my children and give them the time and attention they deserve.

Now that Berry is on the way reality has hit home and I seriously have to consider how many children I would like to have. I know hubby wouldn’t mind having three. In my heart I wouldn’t mind having just one. But when I think about my sister and remember our bond, I know that I wouldn’t like Berry to be the only child. In my mind I don’t want three children because the bond will not be the same. So we have to compromised and two seem to be the perfect number – but if the next pregnancy is twins then God’s blessing is always welcomed and accepted.

I know that having three children would take our growing family to my favourite number thus becoming a family of five. But a family of four seem ideal. Low age gap and two children, in this way they will not feel like one is bossing the other around.

Yes, two children would be enough for me. How about you?

lifeofTOI

7 comments:

  1. I just had my first last week, so right now I'm quite content. I would like to have 4 because i like even numbers. We plan to adopt at least one, God willing. :)

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  2. I am an only child. Tho my brother came around when I was 14. hehe. I liked being an only, but I LOVE being a big sister.

    My plan is to birth 2, and adopt 1. DH wants 3.

    I'd be happy with 1 girl. But I swear, if I have 2 boys...I may try to birth a 3rd in hopes of a girl.

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  3. I love the bond between sisters! I have also liked the idea of a one child but then I wonder about how this one child will adjust in a world where being able to relate to other kids are so important! I have a niece and nephew that fight and argue all the time but are so loving and protective of each other!

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  4. Well, I'm sort of like an only child because my older brother is 9 years older than me so by the time I was 9, he was already 18 and out of the house. So I kind of felt like an only child and I felt very lonely quite often. I was a very shy child as well so it didn't help with making a lot of friends.

    On the other hand, my husband was an only child and he loved it! He's a lot more outgoing so he had lots of friends and he never desired to have sibllings.

    When we have children, I, ideally would like 3 but my husband would like 2 and I think he would be OK with only 1 really. He says 2 is a compromise so lately I've been saying that I want 5 so that we can "compromise" down to three! Hahaha! We'll see if it works!

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  5. I was set on just having one and then along came my handsome JJ. It's funny how sometimes when we have one set of plans for our lives, God has another.

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  6. I hope I can get 2, specificially one of each. My prayer starts that the kids are healthy, but then it's followed by my request for a boy and a girl. LOL

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  7. I always said I'd have 8-10 children. I'm not a mother yet so I'm not sure if that would change, but my plan to is adopt most of my future children.

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