24 Jun 2011

Week 18

Sweet Berry,

you turned eighteen weeks this week. The days are FLYINNNNG!week18

I read that you are the size of cantaloupe and I can feel you about one and half inches below my belly button, but I don’t have a clue. I haven’t felt your movement and this worries me, but your aunty R says it is too early. I really want to feel your moves, this is what I told the yoga class on Wednesday, that will make me know that you are okay and safe where you are. I also read that you have mastered the art of yawn and your hearing is more acute, I hope you don’t listen to my silly worries.

These past two days were unusual because I am writing the critical and difficult part of the project I am working on. I get involved myself too much with my characters. And maybe yesterday I scared you when I got worried about silly things, such as if the story is good enough and credible. And if the research I am doing might affect your wellbeing. And if I can sell it once is completed – I know I shouldn’t worry about that part yet, but being a worrier, I worry! And maybe that scared you too that’s why you are hiding and not pushing my belly forward?

This morning your daddy pointed out that my belly is smaller. What? After what I ate for dinner last evening, I couldn’t believe it. I assumed it was because I was laying on my back. But when I got up to take my shower I noticed the belly is smaller. week18f

After yesterday big feast I thought my belly was going to be bigger today. This is the list of things I ate: corn-flakes and soya milk for breakfast. For lunch I had spaghettini and pesto, then for dinner daddy surprised me with KFC. We don’t normally eat KFC, because it is unhealthy. So the previous night he said he was going to cook and he came home with KFC last evening. Thank God we don’t eat too much take away food, phew! After eating my share of the unhealthy meal, I was not feeling healthy. I was struggling internally, I started to count how much calories I consumed the day. I had cantaloupe for dessert, but I didn’t feel good. I wished I had a scale at home, but we don’t have one yet.week18You see I ate spaghettini in the afternoon because I don’t want to lose my appetite due to the research I am doing. I had to eat spaghetti for good nutrition, because I am not living life for just myself but for you and I. I want us to be healthy and I know that obsession can affect one’s health in a bad way. I should not worry and not get attached to my character’s life. But I have to admit, reading her story makes me worry about the amount of calories I consumed yesterday. It made me think about my body image after you are born. I know I shouldn’t think like this because I am a pregnant woman, but I am also a woman and I really don’t want to be unhealthy and fat because I want to like myself and feel confident after you are in my arms.

Luckily, thinking about your health stops my stupid worries. I am going to take care of us and feel happy with myself – I am happy, but during this week my body image after birth and my career made me worry a little. I am sorry if you felt that and for that reason you are hiding, please understand that I am feeling much better. Your daddy and I went to the library to work together, so you see we want to you be happy and grow healthy.

Then again, maybe the proud Berry Belly I was spotting last week was just Bloated Belly :(. However, tonight I can see a sweet little belly and I am proud of it :)! I really like to see my Berry Belly :D!week18fe

Berry you are my saving grace for sure, because you help me understand that my characters are not me. They are from me but out of me, they live their own lives! That’s why I dedicate Saving Grace by The Cranberries to you:

…It could happen here today
And I can't wait to see your face
No I can't wait to see your face
Can you hold on while I take hold of myself

You're the little thing, my saving grace
You're just a little thing, my saving grace…

Loves,

Your Mummy!

lifeofTOI

2 comments:

  1. Oh wow time really is flying! I love your cute little berry belly!!!! (HUG) to you, you're gunna be a great mama.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Berry Belly!!! That's pretty awesome name:-) I'm sure Berry is relaxing and chilling at moment!

    ReplyDelete

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