13 Jan 2012

Your Questions Answered: # 2 Marriage, Motherhood and Miscellaneous



Keya: How long have you been married?

This year hubby and I will celebrate our seventh year of marriage.

Alida: How has married life changed since the birth of the baby? What have you learned about yourself and your husband since becoming a family of three?

Wow, these two questions make me reflect a lot on our relationship since becoming parents.

I believe our marriage has strengthened since the arrival of Miss AOI. With her in our lives we take our relationship seriously, not that we didn’t before but having her to look after makes us talk about grown up stuff, like our goals in life. Where we want to be and which type of education we would like Miss AOI to have and where. We work together as a team even when we don’t agree on something we try to find a common ground without behaving like spoilt brat {this is me}.

Also, our little girl springs into reality the love we vowed to each other when we got married. However intimacy is not the same as before because my body as tuned into a state where I don’t want nothing from my husband apart from kisses and hugs. When I started breastfeeding I didn’t want to be touched by hubby, but slowly my body is getting less tensed and the fear is subsiding {you know what I mean?}. He is so understanding, supportive and loving.

I’ve always known that hubby is great! Now great is understatement for how he is with Miss AOI. He is a doting dad, ready to help in changing, comforting and dedicating time to our little daughter. He is very proud and protective of Miss AOI. One thing he can’t do is breastfeeding her. He is looking forward until we introduce the bottle because he wishes he could feed her, but that can wait because I love that special bonding between my daughter and I.

Also her arrival has made me appreciate even more his love and dedication to our relationship and family. On my part I’ve learnt that I can be ULTRA proud and protective of my child like a cat with her kitten. I love her so much that I would sacrifice anything to see her happy. And the same applies to my relationship with AMI and our little family.


Keya: Do you plan to be a stay at home mom?

One of my wishes was to be able to combine two passions: motherhood and writing. I wanted to be able to work from home so that I can take care of my children. At the moment this wish is reality in part because I didn’t find work outside the house when we moved to Canada. So, I am enjoying being at home with my daughter but I am trying to fit time in my daily routine for my writing because I would like to be published and that would be my work. I call myself stay-at-home-something because, though I spend most time with Miss AOI, I am working on something for publishing but until I find an agent/publisher then… yes, I am going to be a stay at home mom :).

Mrs Pancakes: What has been the most challenging aspect of motherhood so far?

I would say that the challenge starts as soon as the baby is handed to you. As I say it: babies don’t come with manuals. Sometimes the love you feel for this little person will not replace the fear of getting it wrong along the line, you just have to pray for God’s guidance to help you make the decisions for this little person whose life depends on yours for the next tot years.

As most of you may recall I wrote a post, months before my little girl was born, in which I expressed my anxieties for the future when my child might be boxed in by society because she is a daughter of a Black woman and a White man. Colour is not an issue in our household, once she is outside into the real world things might be different.

But I didn’t have to wait till she hits the playground before the challenge presented itself. My baby was born with one hand with five fingers and the other one was restricted by amniotic sac therefore no fingers. It doesn’t matter to us but as soon she came out from the womb we were faced with a decision: how to announce it? Shall we tell everyone about the hand or shall we let Miss AOI present herself like she did to us, so that they can see her for who she is in her total glory as opposed to marking her for what is missing? That was one challenge that I believe we managed to overcome – {I will explain more in another post}.

However on a trivial note,  it has been a challenge to feed my baby when we are out and about because, though I am open about my belly on this blog, I don’t like people looking at me while I feed my daughter. I become so nervous and Miss AOI doesn’t settle easily. Also my sleeping has changed. Don’t get me wrong Miss AOI sleeps very well, but my body has set itself into baby alert mode and I wake up maybe twice a night to double check if baby is doing fine, of which I have to feed her. For this reason I am finding it a challenging to fully complete Miss AOI’s nursery because the thought of her sleeping in her own room, though is five steps from our room, terrifies me.


Optimistic Mom: I'd like to ask what makes you feel your best. Many new moms forget what it is like to have a day when its all about themselves. So tell when is TOI at her best?

Please ladies, don’t call me egocentric or shallow… but I feel at my best after a HOT shower, oiled/creamed body and well dressed. Sometimes I would spend about ten minutes taking self-portraits making funny faces and not taking myself too seriously.P1107667

Also listening to music and moving around makes me happy and makes Miss AOI smile. Then writing, for instance Tuesday I went to a writer’s workshop and that made me feel at my best.

Just like now, writing these answers make me feel ALIVE.


Thank you ladies for your questions, they really blew my mind and gave food for thought. I hope my answers make sense. I have more questions to answer, but today I will stop here because I don’t want take too much of your precious time.

xoxo, TOI!

Based on the questions above, please share your thoughts with me :)!!!


  1. Wow it is amazing how much i can relate to you. Maybe it is a first time mommy thing. lol.

  2. I love your openess, honesty, and your take on motherhood. Your readers had such great questions! I can't wait to read more :)

  3. Loved your honesty in your questions! You are gorgeous:-)

  4. loving your self portrait, I do this all the time :). I thought I was the only crazy one out there. 7 years of marriage, that sounds like a lifetime, congrats to you guys.

    1. Thank you. LOL, I am so glad I am not the only crazy one either :)!

  5. Thank you so much for your candor. I love your writing. oh and you are soooo beautiful (as is your lovely daughter)!!!

  6. Sounds like you are really enjoying motherhood. That's awesome. My 1st didn't go into his room till he was 6 months, and my baby went into his room at 3 months cause we both were light sleepers and I wasn't getting any sleep with him in his bassinet next to me. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and candid answers. Love, love, love the photo...what a beautiful woman you are inside and out!

  8. Your love and devotion to your daughter and husband has been so sweet to read. Thank you for sharing them with us. Your daughter is lucky to have you has a mom.

  9. I love your self portrait! Also, I loved reading your responses. They were very much open and honest.


Yes, I L*O*V*E them and look forward to receive great advice and encouragement. Let me know you are here, just write hi :)

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