8 Feb 2012

Just In Case

as parents we want the best for our children, we want their happiness, health, love and we are ready to fight demons for them. myworld
before giving birth i wrote a post in which i expressed one of my worries as a future mother. as a black woman married to a white man, I felt that this society, in which we are becoming enslaved to ‘categorisations’, my child might be forced to enclose herself.
then my daughter was born, a healthy baby girl full of shiny hair, inquisitive big brown eyes, so beautiful some say she is like a doll, designed by God.  a pure sublime to both hubby and I, and her name suited her.
in an ordinary world one would say ten fingers-ten toes, but in our extraordinary world we say five fingers, one digit and ten toes. yes, my daughter was born beautiful, healthy, strong and clever but with one hand with one digit instead of five fingers
i haven’t said anything about that because i don’t want to enclose my child, because i don’t see that as a disability but i decided to write one post about my thoughts on the matter just in case i am seen by outsiders as if i am living in denial or that i am ashamed to talk about the incident.
i am not ashamed and i am not living in denial; i could talk about it day and night but what difference would that make to her. i choose to bring her up knowing that there is nothing wrong about having only one hand with five fingers, and letting her know that she is full of grace the way she is. because i believe there will be problem if we make it a problem.
i love my daughter so much and i would lie if i say i didn’t shed a tear days after her birth, that i don’t ask God why it has to happen to my daughter. and i would also lie if i say i don’t blame myself by scanning my mind to find out what i did to make it happen, or that i don’t worry about bullies at her future school. or how people will look at her differently at the knowledge. of course it saddens me to know that one of her lovely hands is not complete. but making that define her is not going to solve anything, although i am more fascinated by hands than ever before, i also know that she can do anything and everything she chooses to do because we will ensure she gets all the help we can afford for her to live life to the fullest.
i also believe there is a reason for everything and though that reason has to become apparent, i know for sure that is thanks to my daughter that one of my dreams will become reality. because when i ask the question why my daughter, the question why their children pops to mind. and i realise that there are families who have children with congenital upper extremity differences who don’t have the advantages and support we have at our disposition. and maybe for the first time i can help raise awareness, because thanks to my daughter i am more thoughtful.

16 comments:

  1. Well said, thanks for sharing your feelings.

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  2. you are brave and strong to share this with us. i have no children but i felt every word you wrote pierce me.

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  3. Toi, I had a student who was born without a leg. His parents raised him to believe that he could do anything. He played soccer (he would use his crutches against the other team). He took diving lessons. He climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro and appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show because of it. Right now, he is a junior in high school and is a member of the wrestling team. His parents did not let his "disability" define him. Instead, he was taught to overcome it.

    Your little one is blessed to have you as a mom.

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  4. I love this post. Your daughter is beautiful, the number of fingers someone has does not define how valuable they are!

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  5. you are truly a mother your post is so touching

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  6. Thanks for being so open and brave Toi. I believe it's not a disability unless you view it as one. She is beautiful and healthy and created just the way God wanted her to be. She has a strong mother who will show her that strength comes not from what's outside but what's within, your character.

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  7. This is such great post. Seriously we live in such a crazy world. God made your beautiful girl in His own image... don't ever forget that. She's so lucky to have parents who will lift her up to be the woman she was meant to be. No physical abnormality can touch that kind of love. Thank you for sharing... you're truly an amazing mother. :)

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  8. Great post and thanks for sharing with us. Your daughter is beautiful and perfect no matter how many digits she has on each hand. She's lucky to have a wonderful mommy like you and a great daddy like your husband. She's one blessed little bundle!

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  9. Little Berry is perfect and she will be okay because she has great parents who will raise her with confidence and high self-esteem. Thanks for sharing your story, it's a good first step toward raising awareness

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  10. your daughter is certainly beautiful and this was an absolutely beautiful post. she is so lucky to have such a loving mommy!

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  11. Thanks for sharing such personal details with us. I love that you want to raise awareness and share with others. It is a beautiful gesture!

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  12. Well she sure looks perfect to me regardless of the number of fingers. :) And she is going to amaze you with her capabilities and fill you with even more love as she gets older. Just. You. Wait.

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  13. Toi, this was beautifully written!my friends's niece was born with one of her arms stopping at the elbow, She is 3 now and you wouldn't know it because she's everything a 3 year old should be, inquisitive, cheeky, clever and very funny! God pair you two because you are the best mum for berry and berry is the best daughter for you. My son is what you would call a spirited baby and it is exhausting mothering him but I know God paired us together coz he thinks I could get the job done and I now enjoy the fact that E is demanding coz being bored is definitely not possible with him around! x

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  14. Miss AOI is certainly a beautiful little girl. I'm glad that you feel comfortable sharing this with us. One of my friend's from University was the same and she is such an amazing and successful woman. Rania is right she will amaze you with all she will be able to do.

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  15. What a beautiful post! And what a beautiful baby.

    As a girl (now 20) who grew up with one hand, I can assure you she'll be just fine :)

    Caitlin
    http://streamofcaitlinness.com

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