21 Mar 2012

Letter from my 16 years old self

Sometimes I worry that my love and protection for my daughter might turn itself against me.

Some time ago I watched a series in which the daughter of a devoted mother went into rehab. In a group therapy she said “My mother was always there for me. She loved me too much and my father was always away for work.”

After this comment I turned to hubby and said “One cannot win, eh?” Too much love can be poisonous, but too little can also be poisonous. I want to give all my love to my child, but what if that love is too much. What if my love becomes an enemy.

I mean what if the same devoted mother I would like to be is seen by the my daughter as evil? One of my brothers was teasing me because he thinks I will be strict with AOI, because when we were little I was authoritative sister while my mother was lenient – in the end he turned out alright. But I don’t think I will be over the top with my daughter.

I know both hubby and I would like some discipline with our children. We wouldn’t let they go to people houses and touch everything they can see or let them be rude to their grandparents or family members. We would like them to show respect to people without feeling like they can’t say no or tell us if something is not right.

I was in search for an answer when I found it in one of my old journals entitled Letters. Browsing the pages I found a letter I wrote when I was 16 years old. She wrote it just for when she becomes a mother.

The letter is in Italian so I will translate it as I wrote it back then:


This letter reminded me of how a good mother should be.

Yes, I have to love my children unconditionally but I don’t have to spoil them. Letting them do all they want doesn’t mean I love them unconditionally. I believe there are times a parent I have to be able to say NO, because saying no is another way of love. I have to have an open dialogue with my children so that they can voice out and ask for opinions. And I have to be able to help and support them when they are in difficulties.

This letter from a teenager was very insightful. I hope I will be as insightful as that young girl now that my journey in motherhood is in full swing.


  1. You are absolutely right showing love and spoiling your child are two different things. And it's good that you recognize this now. I know too many parents who spoil their kids w/ material things thinking that it's a good way to show love.

  2. Only time will tell. Your daughter is still very young. When she get's older you may find yourself doing things you said you will never do. It will also depend on her personality. If she behaves or not. Maybe you will be more lenient while her father will be strict. You never know.

  3. Oh wow your sixteen year self was very insightful....there definitely needs be a balance when it comes to parenting children and lots of prayer:-)

  4. Wow. My son is now 18 looking back I had to adjust from time to time. Enjoy every moment. Im enjoying your blog and have decided to follow.BlogHop-www.alilpieceofmysoul.blogspot.com Always, SOULBeautiful xx*s


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