30 Jan 2012

HELP?!!!… A Party For My Love…

Good Monday my lovely ladies :).

Hope the day is going well for everyone, but if you need an inspiration please stop by TC30s – I’ve started contributing again.

Now on to my post title.

I need HELP, because in two weeks nine days, my lovely hubby will turn 35. I want to throw him a birthday party – that will be the very first one – but I don’t know what to do.

Some of my friends are willing to help me organise something but obviously they will like some directions from me. That’s why I want to turn to you my friends for more tips ^__^!

Questions: Have you ever organised a birthday party for your better-half? What do you suggest I do? House party or out party?

Please share with me.

29 Jan 2012

Long Lazy Sunday #4

Today we went to church. It felt good to listen to the word of God. The message was very beautiful and touching. The preacher reminded the congregation that Jesus’ might is there to help others and we shouldn’t be afraid to ask Him and His Father {our Father} what we most desire. It was a great message to return to church to.

Once we came home hubby grilled the home burgers he prepared in the morning before church. He served it with grilled bacon, wrapped in tortillas bread with salad and cheese.burgerwrap He also fried potatoes chips, everything was YUMMY.

Well, after such heavy lunch we both felt we needed to relax. We lounged in front of Netflix. Little Miss AOI just finished feeding and she is sleeping :).

I am off to read some pages and then fall sleep.

As you can read, today was a VERY lazy Sunday in my city :). I really enjoyed this weekend.

How was your weekend? Hope you too had a great one.


Unknown Mami

27 Jan 2012

Week 9 – We Are Proud To Be Your Parents

My dearest Miss AOI,
We are proud to be your parents – I am writing on behalf of daddy because he is always on about you. Every day that passes you make our head bigger than ever. We pray for happiness, love and life for you.week30 I love, LOVE, LOVE you, love you SOOO much. Though you are out of the womb, like flesh and bones, we are merged together as one. You are my everything and I cannot live without you. One day you will experience such feelings and it will clear what I mean by this, my dear daughter.
This morning after feeding you I decided to read some of my favourite bloggers and I was directed to Melissa Jordan’s letter to her son. For me it was a sign that you will not mind me sharing my feelings one day. In her letter Melissa wrote:
“God knew I could use a little humility. God knew our family could use a little magic. […]” Melissa Jordan
She was inspired by Arianne Segerman’s deep poetic story in which she wrote:
“God makes children so specifically for us, each of them.” Arianne Segerman
Re-reading some of the letters I wrote to you whilst still in my womb make me feel good. Without knowing it God guided me to write some words that I would have not thought about. Each day that I sat down to write he gave me a message. Each letter was spontaneous and after you were born I understood the greatness of Almighty’s protective wings. One letter that stands out among the many is Week 34+5day=Perfection Is Not All. You see I never prayed for perfection, I prayed for your health, life and happiness. In that letter I wrote:
“Little child, life is not about striving for perfection but more about laughter, love and living life to it fullest. Also, […] I would like you to remember that you are the LIGHT even when you feel like you are surrounded by darkness in this world.”
But these two ladies’ stories encouraged me to share the words I penned in my journal twelve days after you were born. The language is poor, it lack poetic flair or power but they convey my fragmented thoughts in that moment.:fragmentedthoughts
I enjoy every second, every minute, every hour, every day and every week with you in my life. By the time you will read these letters you will know that I have many words written about my feelings in my offline journal. That I have some answers ready for you in case some people ask you cruel questions. Among the list I wrote:
“I asked God to make me humble. Because God knows I am already strong with one.”
I could go on and on, but as I said before sometimes less is more. But before I conclude this letter I would like to say that your beautiful shines from inside out and you are our bright LIGHT in this life…  dolcesmile1 dolcesmile
and we are so proud to be your parents.changes
All our love and pride,
Mummy and Daddy

26 Jan 2012

To Anyone out there…

I had a different post ready but today I want to share this video.

I will let it speak for itself…

Do you ever wish you could write back to your younger self?

Please share.

22 Jan 2012

Our Long Lazy Sunday #3

Another snowy Sunday here in my city.

We didn’t go to church, because we were late in getting ready. Oh, shame on us. Once I managed to get out of my pjs I had a shower and then hubby took some pictures of me trying to be fashionable  fashionmum1 after lunch I had the remaining almond chocolate bar I prepared yesterday almondchocoand then I took some pictures of Miss AOI, trying to be a photographer.AOIfeet In the afternoon we went to see some friends, hubby went to skate with the husband of our friends, while I stayed with the wife talking about our babies (she has two children, one is one months and ten days older than AOI) and to finish Miss AOI played on her play mat.  AOIplaymat  now she is feeding and soon she will be off to bed.

that was my long lazy Sunday in my city :).

how was yours?


Unknown Mami

18 Jan 2012

AOI’s Birth Story: Breathing Baby Into The World

You can start by reading:
The rest was as if in a dream. thehandoflove
The lights in the living and dining room were turned off. They left on the lights in the kitchen and in the hall. A. put on Berry Birth Playlist Soothing and Classic. Bella’s Lullaby began to fill the room and my body relaxed.
Each following contraction I let my body relax further. D. was wiping my face with cold wipes because I was sweating so much from the heat of the water. At intervals A. brought cold water for me to drink and pieces of banana to boost my energy. I couldn’t eat anything else.
At one point I had to get out of the pool desperately. I needed to pee. Someone told me to do it in the pool but the idea of accidently having a bowel movement there forced me to get out and go to the bathroom. I think that was the third stage of labour contractions. I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. D. came to count some contractions with me. Meanwhile AMI and A. were changing the water of the pool.
When I got out of the bathroom D. examined me. I was not making progress therefore she suggested I walk up and down the stairs. The contractions came stronger after each walk and I felt fluid dripping down my legs. “I am peeing myself.” I said near to tears for the embarrassment. Both A. and D. tranquillised me by saying that was amniotic fluid which meant that the baby was coming down. Their words gave me renewed energy and power. I walked for about two minutes then decided to stop because the contractions that followed were too strong to bear. D. asked if I wanted the pitocin. I turned down the offer because I could still go through the contractions, plus I didn’t want medicated pain reliefs. Though I didn’t need anything I asked which other non medicated pain relief was on offer. There must be something else apart from the water I thought. But there was nothing apart from my mind, my labour partners and the water. I went on my knees near the pool to give more room for baby to descend.
When D. checked again I was dilated enough because she began the preparation for delivery. She was very discreet and quiet but I could tell what she was doing because I was still alert of my surroundings. She checked the water to make sure that it was at the right temperature 38ᵒC-39ᵒC (that’s how I liked it). I needed to pee, after that she asked me to go kneel on the bed for some contractions. “I can see the baby coming.”
After those contractions I wanted to lie on the bed but A. encouraged me to stand up because she told me that, though lying on the side made labour contractions comfortable, it slows down labour. There was no way that I wanted to slow down labour so I got off the bed.
Downstairs D. was ready; she was waiting for me to decide what I wanted to do next. She asked if I wanted to give birth in the pool or not.
“In the pool.” That was all I wanted.
I changed again, this time I wore my swimming top. inthepool2 At half seven I was in the tub, when I overheard D. telling A. to get ready to help her in case the baby arrives before the second midwife reaches our house. But luckily the second midwife, R., arrived just before eight o’clock. Things started to move fast from there on.
D. told me that from that moment on I could push if I felt the urge to do so. I didn’t know if I was doing it right. I was worried that I was never going to know that urge or that due to the strong desire to too see my baby I was going to push without that urge. These thoughts made me ask “Am I doing it?” to which A. answered
“You are doing it.”
“Am I fully dilated? Can the baby come?”
“Of course, you’ve been ready for the baby hours ago.” D. confirmed.
I was happy, relaxed ready to receive my baby. The music was going. “Listen, Mozart, Enya and Tchaikovsky...” D. pointed out to R.
“...The music I like.”
I breathed to the music, letting my body dance to it during the following contractions. Teardrop by Massive Attack began, I felt my baby coming further down. I could imagine my baby descending. It gave me encouragement. I wanted to welcome her to such beautiful song. I let myself go. The music put me into a trance, it was surreal “I can see the head... do you want to touch it?” D. asked.
“No... I am... worried that if I touch it I might not do the pushing right.” I was breathing with each push so I like to think that I breathed my baby into the world.
Then I started to chant “I can do it.”
“Yes, you are doing it.” A. encouraged me
“O. bra.” O. come I called to my baby in Ghanaian. Daddy was sitting behind me in the water on a blue bucket. He called to our baby in Ghanaian too. It felt magical and enchanted as I wanted it to be.
But I was worried that I was going to lose the energy when her head was in my perineum. It burned as if someone had put chilly down there. When they told me that it was the head of my baby giving pressure in that area, I didn’t mind the burning anymore, because I knew that in few seconds I was going to see my baby.
I held tightly to the tub handles. A. held my other hand and AMI supported my back. D. told me that during the last stages she wanted me to breathe more so that she can catch my baby for me. I did my best. She caught our baby at 8:30pm and brought her to me. I proudly received my baby girl.
birth-tile I closed my eyes to savour my baby girl, my beauty, my dear daughter AOI. AMI and I were so happy.
Happy 2nd month in our lives my darling sweet daughter!

AOI’s Birth Story: Week 39 +4 days

You can start by reading AOI’s Birth Story: The Day Before.
18th November – 39weeks and 4days. week39
At 1.45am a sharp contraction pulls me out of bed – Hollywood style. I throw my cover off and, without thinking, bounce and run into the bathroom. After cleaning myself I see a very faint blood. I knew it was showing because weeks before I asked my sister-in-law “How would I notice that I am in labour?”
“You will see the showing.” So I kept eye for that. But that morning I was not convinced I was seeing right therefore I called AMI to come double check “Is that blood?”
“Yes, light blood.” Good! I was afraid that those contractions were tricks of my imagination because for the past weeks I have been daydreaming about the encounter with my baby.
I made numerous trips to the bathroom. When I returned to bed it was difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I couldn’t sleep because contractions were coming every five to ten minutes apart lasting one minute. However, at this point they were not uncomfortable therefore both AMI and I thought they were preparatory contractions. One thing that bothered me was contractions getting me caught lying on my side, because it felt as I was frozen. I tried various positions on the bed, such as open knee-chest to help me relax and hopeful fall asleep. But I couldn’t sleep so I snoozed. I made another trip to the bathroom, I felt as if my menstrual circle was imminent.
I didn’t keep track of the time, but AMI was timing each contraction. I couldn’t sleep so I brought my exercise ball onto the bed. I embraced it while kneeling on the bed. It felt great; suddenly the pressure on my back was relieved. I managed to relax and fell into a comfortable position. I was about to sleep but decided to check the time. It was 6am so I opted to get out of bed.
Once up I called A., my doula, to inform her of the events. I was talking to her when a contraction hit me. I passed the phone to AMI who finished the conversation. I believe A. said to keep doing what I had been doing the whole morning, focusing on my breathing. With each contraction I relaxed my body and concentrated on the breathing letting all the jabs wrap me without fighting them.
After the telephone call we decided to start our day. I still felt sleepy so I made AMI bring out of the studio the desk chair, a sleeping bag and my exercise ball. I sat on the chair wrapped myself warm and lifted my feet up. I slept for nearly one hour. The contractions kept coming but they were not uncomfortable, just annoying. I got up at seven and went for a shower, I let the hot water run on my shoulders and then my lower back to relieve the pressure.
After the shower I ate fried eyes, then played on the Wii Fit alternating between Rhythm Parade and Obstacle Course.preggowii
{what the… was I really wearing that? LOL}
We phoned D., my midwife, at eight o’clock to let her know that labour contractions have started. She told us she was coming around 11am to check my progression.
AMI had a meeting that morning so I told him he could go because this stage could last 6-12 hours. But he called it off because he wanted to help me all the way. I loved having him fussing about me, making sure that I was comfortable, eating and drinking water. He became my focal point at each contraction; he would breathe with me while looking in my eyes, it was good to see his relaxed face. It made me feel secure and strong. At one point I even said “Why did we pay for a doula? You are doing so well by yourself. But maybe it will be difficult later on.”
Around 11am D. arrived. During one of our many telephone conversations in the weeks leading to this moment, my mother had told me that my birth will be like Jerusalem birth. I guess she meant calm and peaceful. I phoned her as soon as D. came because knowing that a specialist was with me would have cut down her guilt for not being near me during this miraculous moment. My mother sent me her best wishes and prayers. When I phoned her that day she told me that everything will be fine. She thanked D. and asked her to take good care of me and pray for me. She said she was sorry she couldn’t be near me. I was not sad because the thought that we were in her prayers set me at peace. I phoned my sister but she didn’t answer because she was at work. After some contractions D. decided to check how much I was dilated. During one of our visits she told me that she stays with the pregnant women once they are 4cm dilated. I was worried that I was not dilated enough for her to stay but I was fine with the thought.
She examined me and I was 7cm dilated. “What?” we were all in disbelief but every excited. After the examination D. told AMI to phone A. to let her know. After the phone call D. asked if we needed something for the house because we might not be able to get anything after today. Both AMI and I agreed that we need milk and bread. We phoned A. once again. She said she would come home first.
In my mind the loving thoughts began to overlap each other “What? I am in labour, is she right? Am I having the baby? OMG, am going to see my baby maybe today or tomorrow?” Because I thought it could take us the whole day even if to get to 7cm didn’t put too much strain on my body.
I was going by the book.
A. arrived around 1:30pm. Before she came I told D. how I envisaged snow outside while I was in labour and that I’ve already told A.. “It would be nice to have some pictures in the snow.”
We found ourselves, at 1:45pm, taking pictures as the snow picked up falling down.love1 Outside the cold air eased some contractions.love I walked for a minute or so and then I posed like a super-diva pregnant woman, kicking the snow and laughing.
When we got back indoors, D. pointed out to A. “She doesn’t look like she’s about to give birth.” We all smiled pleased. I was jolly and chatty, and they contractions were like special drugs to me, I was in this peaceful place. Meanwhile AMI, A. and D. were covering the living from floor with plastic shower curtains, old towels and blankets ready for the birthing pool. pool I went into the water around 3pm when the stronger contractions began, AMI came in to support me.inthepool1 I believe that was the beginning of the second stage of labour. This time I started to believe that maybe, just maybe I would see my baby tonight. It felt good to be in the warm water (37ᵒC), because each strong contraction was felt less. Throughout the day I had Berry Birth Playlist Love playing. The music was on loop and I believe some songs played more than others. After about an hour of being in the water I came out because I was getting cold.
I went to change into a different outfit.
To be continued…

17 Jan 2012

AOI’s Birth Story: The Day Before

In the afternoon of 17th November I sat at my desk, opened my journal and wrote:diary17112011
I have three diaries, one for my poems, another for my thoughts to you. This one is for my thoughts about the days leading to your arrival. I feel emotional because I don’t know when exactly you will make your debut in this world.
I am excited and full of nerves. I feel your delicate movements more than ever, in fact I think you want to come because the room is getting too cramped for you.
I imagine your face but it is not clear in my mind because I think you are beautiful more than the way my poor imagination can describe you.
I am anxious because I really want you to debut in November and I don’t know what to do when you are overdue, to give another week before inducing or shall I wait until you decide to come. I don’t think it will be good for both of us if I wait too long I will be overly paranoid.
I will do what my instinct tells me to do around your due date.
I am feeling stronger jabs in the lower back and I hope they are helping the cervix open more.
This week has being nice.
Monday= I went to have manicure and pedicure.
Tuesday= I went to the chiropractor and massage therapist. In the evening we went to watch Contagion.
Yesterday I was reading and trying to find ideas for a poem or short story I want to write to submit to a writing magazine.
Today I am writing and also doing my hair.
I am presentable to meet my baby, I can say.
I wonder if I should squat more to help you descend.
I believe last night I dreamt that you were lying very low in the womb. It looked as if you were about to drop. I didn’t see which day.
But there are some scenes of how I envisage your birth.
  • It will happen early in the morning, when true labour begins – early morning around four o’clock. I will focus on cleaning your nursery, making it is clean just to have something to focus on.
  • Outside it will be snowing. We will have the water ready in the pool. Once I’ve done the nursery I will go have a shower for half an hour or more. I will oil my body and put myself in the grey vest dress with a scarf around my neck. I will be squatting and then go in the pool when I feel like I need my contractions to relax. We will be listening to Berry Playlist Love on loop from the moment I wake up.
  • Daddy will be supporting me throughout and the doula will be taking notes of my progress and pictures.
  • After four hours of active labour I will start breathing you and by nine o’clock you will make your debut.
  • Sounds easy right? Wishing, praying for and envisaging doesn’t harm.
That evening when AMI, my hubby, came back from work we went to the library to return some books because I didn’t want to get more fines. We came home just in time to see D., our midwife, who had to leave the birthing pool in preparation for the due date, 21st November. Once in the house AMI decided to blow two levels of the three levels pool.pool 1
When he finished I whispered to Berry in my belly “You can come now, we are ready for the delivery.” I felt such serenity around me. We went to bed around eleven without suspecting anything. Outside was snowing as per my wish, I was so happy.
To be continued…

Your Questions Answered: #4 Travels

All Travels 


“Cottage by The Sea”: It seems you love to travel. Where will the first place you will take your baby and what do you imagine you will have to take with you when you pack for a baby?

God’s willing, her first trip will be in April. We are going to Britain and Italy for a month. I believe the essentials things will be her stroller, diapers, changing bag, onesies for the night, baby jeans, jumpers, dresses, jacket, bath items, feeding bottles and mummy.

Keya: How long will you be staying in Canada? How do you feel about raising your daughter in Canada?

The plan is to stay here fore 5 years, but hubby’s work could renew the contract for more than ten years. I believe Canada, especially were we live, is upcoming. Meaning unlike some of the big city this place is still developing and the schools here are very good, with small classes and French immersion. So I feel quite good about raising Miss AOI here, but then we might change plans because I felt like there is so many opportunities for me to raise my girl wherever I choose.

Unknown Mami: If you could live anywhere in the world where would that be and why?

In a small village in Japan. japan_overview_2In Italy I was brought up watching Japanese cartoons and reading manga magazines. I believe that was in part the reason I’ve always been fascinated by the country. Its costume and culture  make me wanna learn more about the it. Plus…images …I was in love with the main characters of Orange Road, one of my favourite Nippon cartoons.


There you have it.

I really enjoyed answering all your questions. Thank you again for asking me something to write about.

All the best, TOI.

Question: Which items do you thing I will need to pack for a baby when travelling?

16 Jan 2012

Your Questions Answered: #3 Life Experience {Ghana, Italy and Britain}

All About Some of My Memories in Life


Faith: I really would love to know more about your time in Ghana. were you born there? when did you leave? do you plan on visiting any time soon? do you plan on taking Berry there in the future?

I was born in Ghana. One thing I remember is moving houses a lot after my father died until I was brought to Italy sometime in the 90s. I have some fond memories of my childhood. I lived for sometime with my maternal grandparents. My grandmother is the sweetest woman in the world. She is so kind. She is petite and used to have long hair until she used chemicals and I remember that started to break her hair because she didn’t maintain it.

I remember wrapping one of her cloths around the waist and running wild on the streets of the little town we lived in. kite {via}

note: above is a model, because as I know only children go around running with cloth tied around their waist... Unless that person is called TOI ;D!kiterunner  kite day in London

Sometimes when the rain was falling I would go wild once again and bared chest run like there is no tomorrow. My granny and great-grandmother would call me telling me to stop being tom-boy and stay out of the pouring rain if I didn’t want to catch a fever. Another fond memory was telling my great-grandmother that I was hiding in the shadow when she called me telling me to get out of the sun if I didn’t want to have headaches. I miss those days.

My grandfather died in 1994, he was my favourite man. He used to have a goldsmith lab and he did a horse earrings for me. I don’t know how he knew about my love for horses, but maybe it was the fact that he used to read the Bible to me and my cousins and there were pictures of horses. He was tall and very handsome. He and my grandmother didn’t stay married forever but they were so friendly to each other.

Fingers and toes cross, if health and finances allow us we plan to go back this Christmas, that means Berry {aka Miss AOI} is coming with us. But I would LOVE to spend longer one day so Berry will have some of the wild moments I had there. But I hope that wherever we are she is going to a little tom-boy to explore her freedom and nature.

Pegster: When was the last time you went to Ghana? Do you miss it?

Last time I was in Ghana was January 2008. I went there with my sister, sister-in-law and her first born Miss B. Hubby didn’t come because it was a girly holiday. The previous year hubby and I went there in March. That was my first time back after more than 16 years away. ghana Everything was so small in comparison to how I remembered. I had the most amazing time and hubby did too.

Apart from my grandmother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew I miss the warmth and natural resources of the place.


Mrs H.: I didn't know you lived in Italy? How long did you live there? What part? What do you miss most about Italy? What do you miss least?

I am from one of the providences of Vicenza which distance circa 60km from Venice and 50km Verona. I moved there when I was still attending elementary school and lived then until I finished high school – I was older student. youth1 After my diploma, which I completed in 2004, I worked for some time and then moved away to Britain after my wedding, 30th July 2005.thering  brightfuture

I miss the corners of the whole town, full of precious memories.castle1 castle

Summer 1995, sitting on the window at the top of the castle were I got married in 2005. That castle is full of my teen’s memories. I had a friend who lived there so sometimes I had sleepovers.

The spring, the dark windows which make the rooms pitch black but once you open them the warm weather pours into the room filling your soul with it beauty. The summer at the swimming pool, while people look at you strange as if a Black girl can’t be there because she really doesn’t need the sun because she’s already Black, LOL :).

I don’t miss the mindset of the people, close to different cultures.


Pegster: How did you like living in England? Are you guys planning to move, back there again?

We lived in London for five years, but my in-laws live in Devon therefore we were up and down a lot. Plus, one of my favourite spots was a campsite in Folkstone, Kent, from there we could the France. One summer we did a motorbike road trip and I loved it. And the time my family from Canada came there and we toured London together. My sister and I made awesome poses on one of the lions.uk

The bird in Piccadilly and the Lions in Trafalgar Square have seen a lot of this lady here.

Also London was the first place hubby and I shared our first marital home. I did my degree and read poetry sometimes, when I didn’t feel too shy to stand in front of the mike. Like any big city London has many free entry museums and art galleries. I would go there with hubby and my nieces.art

One Sunday afternoon we went to Tate Gallery and I was inspired to paint

Plus, I’ve always been interested in discovering different cultures, and London gave that opportunity because there are so many different cultures living side to side.  I know some of my friends living in a small town where its citizen discriminate against foreigners, now they tend to discriminate or look above other foreigners.

This is the reason I believe travelling is so good when one can afford it, because it opens our eyes to the wider world.

I know I went off the track with this question, but that shows how much I enjoyed living in Britain with all it flaws.

OOh, at the moment there is no plan of moving back but we might move back one day because as the saying goes never say never!


I have few more answers for you, so please stay tuned.

Questions: Have you ever been to Ghana, Italy or Britain?

Please share with me :).

15 Jan 2012

Snowed In

We woke up with snow and wind blowing it everywhere which made me decide to stay home from church. snowedin1The snow outside recalled the snow that was outside when Miss AOI made her debut. 

So Instead of church I baked something for breakfast. Then invited some friends over for a warm homemade pizza {base from scratch} for lunch. snowedin2 

Then we played on Wii. Once our friends left we played Your Shape on the Xbox to get some excise. To conclude the evening we are watching the Golden Globe and some films.

This is how my Long Lazy Sunday was in my city.

lazysunday4Unknown Mami

How was yours?

13 Jan 2012

Week 8 – Shoulders To Lean On

Sweet Miss AOI,
eight weeks since your birth, eh?
You are so alert,  bright and active. You are talkative {baby talk} and laughs a lot when we sing the wheel on the bus. When I see your face looking at me I get so excited like a little child with too much sweets, and I ask myself what I did to deserve such a beautiful-wonderful daughter. Your eyes are expressive, when you fix them on me my head spins, because they pull me into your deep and beautiful soul. soulfuleyes    Some people say you look like me but I think you are so much beautiful than me and nothing can compare to you.
On Tuesday we went to a writers workshop. You were the first baby there. Nobody noticed though because you slept most of the time. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – you make this woman enjoy motherhood so much.
Yesterday we went to see the midwife for the final check up. She was surprised to see how grown you are, you are already 60cm. She said you are growing beautifully and you are going to be quite tall.
The other day you were crying because you wanted to sleep. I was doing the dishes so I put you on my back in the carrier, then I wrapped the Ghanaian cloth daddy bought for our engagement. I took the carrier away and voila’ we had Ghanaian way of putting a baby in a sling.carrier1 That was the first time I was carrying you. You fell asleep straight away. Daddy tried the same trick but without the cloth. It was so precious to see :).carrier2 You like to be carried around. Our precious angel, always remember that you have our shoulders to lean on when you are need for shoulders to lean on.
All our love,
Mummy and Daddy!

Your Questions Answered: # 2 Marriage, Motherhood and Miscellaneous



Keya: How long have you been married?

This year hubby and I will celebrate our seventh year of marriage.

Alida: How has married life changed since the birth of the baby? What have you learned about yourself and your husband since becoming a family of three?

Wow, these two questions make me reflect a lot on our relationship since becoming parents.

I believe our marriage has strengthened since the arrival of Miss AOI. With her in our lives we take our relationship seriously, not that we didn’t before but having her to look after makes us talk about grown up stuff, like our goals in life. Where we want to be and which type of education we would like Miss AOI to have and where. We work together as a team even when we don’t agree on something we try to find a common ground without behaving like spoilt brat {this is me}.

Also, our little girl springs into reality the love we vowed to each other when we got married. However intimacy is not the same as before because my body as tuned into a state where I don’t want nothing from my husband apart from kisses and hugs. When I started breastfeeding I didn’t want to be touched by hubby, but slowly my body is getting less tensed and the fear is subsiding {you know what I mean?}. He is so understanding, supportive and loving.

I’ve always known that hubby is great! Now great is understatement for how he is with Miss AOI. He is a doting dad, ready to help in changing, comforting and dedicating time to our little daughter. He is very proud and protective of Miss AOI. One thing he can’t do is breastfeeding her. He is looking forward until we introduce the bottle because he wishes he could feed her, but that can wait because I love that special bonding between my daughter and I.

Also her arrival has made me appreciate even more his love and dedication to our relationship and family. On my part I’ve learnt that I can be ULTRA proud and protective of my child like a cat with her kitten. I love her so much that I would sacrifice anything to see her happy. And the same applies to my relationship with AMI and our little family.


Keya: Do you plan to be a stay at home mom?

One of my wishes was to be able to combine two passions: motherhood and writing. I wanted to be able to work from home so that I can take care of my children. At the moment this wish is reality in part because I didn’t find work outside the house when we moved to Canada. So, I am enjoying being at home with my daughter but I am trying to fit time in my daily routine for my writing because I would like to be published and that would be my work. I call myself stay-at-home-something because, though I spend most time with Miss AOI, I am working on something for publishing but until I find an agent/publisher then… yes, I am going to be a stay at home mom :).

Mrs Pancakes: What has been the most challenging aspect of motherhood so far?

I would say that the challenge starts as soon as the baby is handed to you. As I say it: babies don’t come with manuals. Sometimes the love you feel for this little person will not replace the fear of getting it wrong along the line, you just have to pray for God’s guidance to help you make the decisions for this little person whose life depends on yours for the next tot years.

As most of you may recall I wrote a post, months before my little girl was born, in which I expressed my anxieties for the future when my child might be boxed in by society because she is a daughter of a Black woman and a White man. Colour is not an issue in our household, once she is outside into the real world things might be different.

But I didn’t have to wait till she hits the playground before the challenge presented itself. My baby was born with one hand with five fingers and the other one was restricted by amniotic sac therefore no fingers. It doesn’t matter to us but as soon she came out from the womb we were faced with a decision: how to announce it? Shall we tell everyone about the hand or shall we let Miss AOI present herself like she did to us, so that they can see her for who she is in her total glory as opposed to marking her for what is missing? That was one challenge that I believe we managed to overcome – {I will explain more in another post}.

However on a trivial note,  it has been a challenge to feed my baby when we are out and about because, though I am open about my belly on this blog, I don’t like people looking at me while I feed my daughter. I become so nervous and Miss AOI doesn’t settle easily. Also my sleeping has changed. Don’t get me wrong Miss AOI sleeps very well, but my body has set itself into baby alert mode and I wake up maybe twice a night to double check if baby is doing fine, of which I have to feed her. For this reason I am finding it a challenging to fully complete Miss AOI’s nursery because the thought of her sleeping in her own room, though is five steps from our room, terrifies me.


Optimistic Mom: I'd like to ask what makes you feel your best. Many new moms forget what it is like to have a day when its all about themselves. So tell when is TOI at her best?

Please ladies, don’t call me egocentric or shallow… but I feel at my best after a HOT shower, oiled/creamed body and well dressed. Sometimes I would spend about ten minutes taking self-portraits making funny faces and not taking myself too seriously.P1107667

Also listening to music and moving around makes me happy and makes Miss AOI smile. Then writing, for instance Tuesday I went to a writer’s workshop and that made me feel at my best.

Just like now, writing these answers make me feel ALIVE.


Thank you ladies for your questions, they really blew my mind and gave food for thought. I hope my answers make sense. I have more questions to answer, but today I will stop here because I don’t want take too much of your precious time.

xoxo, TOI!

Based on the questions above, please share your thoughts with me :)!!!

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