3 May 2013

Disagio {Ill at Ease}

awkward self portrait copy1Today’s #3 Blog Everyday In May prompt was about to let me pull out my sick card – you know like when you don’t want to go to work you call in sick. Until yesterday I couldn’t point out the things that make me uncomfortable, in fact this made me awkward.

Then I translated into Italian disagio {ill at ease} and flood of things came to mind. I’m uncomfortable

  • when I can‘t find the words to say what I have on my mind, in this occasion I feel a void beneath me and I want to cry
  • when I am new in a place or I am with people I don’t click with, inside I battle about what to do to feel comfortable and to stop my hands and forehead from sweating too much
  • when I eat more than my belly can handle, what if my dress or pants come undone?
  • when I am in a place I can’t speak the language and when people look at me, I wonder if my dress or pants are undone or I have something on my face or something embarrassing like that. One of the worse experience was going to Kota Bharu {north-eastern of Malaysia, a gateway to Thailand} I couldn’t speak the language, whenever I went outside the hotel people looked at me because maybe being in a Muslim city I wasn’t dressed properly. Anyway I felt so uncomfortable I was over the moon when we left the place.
  • when I wear a swimsuit, because my butt is getting big
  • my style self portraits are plain awkward {see above, yep that’s the model in me}
  • Telling my story online, I am paranoid, paranoid, paranoid when I click the publish button because I misspell and my grammar is not great. So why do I still do it, I love sharing my life experiences, for me writing is like breathing, I need it and I LOVE it. Thank goodness I go by the motto belowkeepcalmandwrite
 
The above is part of Jenni’s

4 comments:

  1. Love the motto! I'm self conscious about wearing bathing suits too. I always had a slender figure until I got to college and I started putting on that freshman 15 in other places. But I think that I'm getting to a place where I can embrace my new curves with confidence, especially when you read about the lengths some women go through to get them.

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  2. I am pretty awkward for doing some self-shots too, don't worry haha. Sometimes I feel so bad about writing on my suffering from Perioral Dermatitis. Yay , I am also in #BEDM :)

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  3. That's a good motto! That's what I need to do!

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  4. French is my native language and I always get so self conscious when I write in English. I feel I have to read stuff over and over just to make sure I don't make a mistake. Crazy I know. I love that motto though.

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