9 Jan 2014

Home Birth With a Toddler

AOI

My heart beats fast, in two weeks I will have another brand new baby in our home. I’m super excited. I’m nervous. I want everything to be fine.

I’ve been thinking about labour day. I wonder when baby will be born. AOI was born 39weeks and 4 days, so based on that calculation baby #2 will be here on January 19th. So I have to start thinking hard about my birth wishes.

When I was pregnant with baby #1 I had different kind of worries when it came to giving birth. I didn’t want epidural, I wanted a water birth, I wanted a homeopathic birth as possible and all this apply for the to the birth of baby #2.

Last time it was just husband and I. We hired a doula because it was our first baby. This time we’re not going to hire a doula and we will be three in the house. Myself, husband and our daughter. Our concern this time is related to what to do if I go into labour in the middle of the day and AOI is not sleeping.

We don’t live near family members and I don’t really want to bother our friends. Asking them to look after AOI in our house during labour makes me a little uncomfortable. I see the birth as something very private to be shared with my husband, daughter and the professional providers. Last time our doula was also our photographer and I loved how she captured the moments that led to us to meeting our little girl. This time we might not have any photos but I really want to capture some pictures and I’m going to do everything in my power to achieve that. But I digress.

As a family of three we have to find someone to look after AOI while I’m giving birth to baby #2. In my ideal world I want AOI present during the birth. Last time I don’t remember making any funny noises and went through the labour contractions with some kind of composure. But maybe I was so much in labour trance that I don’t remember clearly how I behaved.

Husband feels we need someone to look after her while I think we don’t.

I’ve been researching about this topic. I know that all birth stories are subjective but so far I’ve learnt that if we talk to her in advance she will be fine. Lately I tell her that she can help mummy do yoga breathing during the moment we’re welcoming baby brother. When I feel pain in my lower back I don’t hide it, she askes me “Are you okay mummy.”

“My back hurts.” she then massages with her tiny toddler hands. She is such a great help, I believe we can do this labour thing with her present, The next thing I believe I would like to do is to watch some of her pictures when she was coming into the world and then some videos of other women in labour, nothing graphic.

For a back up plan, I’ve planned a playdate with one of my close friends and her daughter just in case. We’ll see how things turn out.

QUESTION: What would you do in my position?

14 comments:

  1. I think it's very understandable that you want her to be present and share in the experience of the birthing of her baby brother. YouTube is a good place to search for home birth videos. I hope you have the birth you desire!

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  2. Hmmm...I've never given birth but I would think it might be nice to have someone take the toddler so you don't have to worry about what she's doing AND your husband doesn't have to either. It could be a long time right? So it would probably be helpful to have her gone at least part of the time. Toddlers are not always predictable.

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    1. There are different stages of labour so for me last time according to the standards it was fairly quick.

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  3. So exciting to know that in 2 weeks baby boy will be here :)

    Like Cece I have not given birth but I think that it will be a sense of peace if you knew that AOI was in good hands while you were in labor. You never know how long you'll be in labor and if AOI will be patient while hubby is trying to make you comfortable, etc. Like Cece said, toddlers are def. not predictable. BUT you know AOI better than anyone so I'm certain you'll make the best decision for you and your family.

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    1. both you are Cece are right toddlers are so unpredictable, she might not cooperate with my timing of contractions.

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  4. I have birth in a birthing center with my son and I think it was important that my daughter was there. She was there but not in the same room. My fear was that she was a bit older and the experience could be a little traumatic for a then 3 year old (based on her sensitivity). You know your daughter best, is she easily upset or prone to nightmares. That is how I gaged t. After I delivered she was allowed in the room like mjnutes afterwards and she really enjoyed the experience.

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    1. Sorry for all the typos--I responded on my phone.

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    2. Don't worry I didn't notice the typo. You are right to point out if she is prone to nightmares, so far she hasn't shown much of that. I will observe her more as we get closer.

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  5. So exciting!!!

    I agree with Kalley. My son was in the room minutes after his sister was born. It was a relief to not have to worry about him and how he was responding to everything. I feel like I would have been too worried about him and it would have stressed me out. I was stressed a bit anyway because he was in and out of the room as I was preparing to push because we were waiting on a friend to get there to sit with him.

    I will say everyone is different and I know you'll do what works best for you! :)

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  6. Hmmm...I am with Cece and Faith. I had my baby at a hospital last time. I am looking for a birthing center for the next one. But I don't think I'll want my little one there during the active labor state. I just think she'll be disruptive and might need attention that I won't be able to offer her during that time. I also went natural and since I had some issues after, I really wouldn't want my little one seeing me go through that.
    BUT, you know your daughter beset so you have to gauge it based on how she is in general. Will she need your attention or your husband's? If so, might be best to have a relative or a good friend watch her perhaps in another room but still in the house.

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  7. I would be scared to have Dominic watch honestly. My kid IS very unpredictable and demanding. But more then that I would be scared because what if something started going wrong and I had to call the ambulance (AND I PRAY THAT WON"T HAPPEN TO YOU!) but there is always those what ifs, and I'd rather he not see me in that state of complete distress. Nor would I personally want him to see me screaming during contractions. I think it would upset him (he doesn't even like it when I raise my voice a little whether its directed at him or not)

    However, that being said. The decision is totally up to you to make. People from other generations and other cultures have their children around during the process, and I'm sure it's very meaningful to them. I had Dominic at a hospital. I wanted to be where the drugs were ;) haha (I'm a wimp!)

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  8. The only thing that comes to mind for me to ask is will you be more anxious if she is not there?

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  9. I am the oldest of 8 and my mom had the last 3 at home. I was about 8 when I saw my mom officially give birth to my first sibling and that was a crazy experience for me because she was in a lot of pain and seeing a live baby come out of your mom's hooha is mind blowing lol But the last 2 I was 10 and 13 and I was very excited to be a part of that momentous moment and will cherish those memories forever.
    That being said my younger siblings didn't do very well especially the babies because they wanted to be in the water with my mom and wanted her attention, and didn't like that she was in pain. I would highly recommend having someone watch her while you give birth, because she may distract you from laboring. Do you think a family member could come down and watch her for you? Blessings and prosperity to you and your family!


    http://2babiesandabuggy.blogspot.com

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