Mr. T is feeding as I type this introduction to a post a I wrote exactly a month and a week ago. I can easily ignore sharing it but I felt so much different back then and I promised myself to be more active once baby is here that I want to share it to remember that sometime it’s perfectly okay to take it easy.
Exactly a week today, as I sat in the usual chair listening to AOI’s bedtime lullaby playlist, a tear fell down my cheek when Angel Baby by Linda Ronstadt began to fill the room. I placed my hand on my recent acquired squishy and hanging belly, and I missed my baby’s nudges which were no more secrets because he was soundly asleep in the next room.
When I had my belly I complained about walking like a penguin and I couldn’t bend without fear od breaking my waters yet, as my uterus contracted by the second, I missed being pregnant already. On one hand I loved the fact that I could walk normal and put my shoes on without worries. However, maybe, I was only mourning the fact that I didn’t know if I really don’t want to be pregnant again. My plan has always been to have maximum two children but now there I sat wishing my baby was in my womb a little bit longer, for him to dance to the sweet music as I sat there in his sister’s room waiting for her to fall asleep, absorbed in our little secret. I couldn’t simply go and pick him up and bring him in her room for a cuddle because I didn’t want his little squeaks to wake her up. But I missed the close contact we shared for 39 weeks and I wish I didn’t complain about how my pregnant body made walk.
It would have been okay to take it more easy and not be too demanding of my pregnant body.
My body doesn’t feel like mine anymore.
I can’t believe that I walk like a penguin most evenings. The other day AOI got off the bed and waddled, imitated how I was walking. She made me laugh even though I was struggling to move forward due to my back pain.
I remember, during my first pregnancy I felt sexy and energised most times. I was all about how I loved this growing belly and changing body of mine. However, most days in pregnancy #2 I feel frumpy and tired.
People keep on reminding me to be less hard on myself because I have a toddler to take care of throughout the day. But how can I be lenient on myself when I know that they are women out there who seem to have it all figured out. Women who have three or four children and still look so stylish and sexy.
I just have one daughter and it seems like I don’t have time to dress up or do my hair as I should. I haven’t been working out as I did during pregnancy #1 and I’m not taking care of what I eat.
I want to be able to feel my body again, I want to be able to kneel down without worrying to break my waters. I’m so happy to be pregnant with baby #2 because it was one of the goals that I had on my vision board but the way I’ve been feeling lately make want to have him in my arms soon than the only six weeks I still have to wait. 6 weeks seem like forever; the more I think about baby in our lives the more I can’t contain myself.
I want to kiss his soft cheeks, nose, hands, feet, smell his new-born smell and have AOI showing her big sisterly love to him. I want to see him in his daddy’s arms and be a family of four.
Of course I want to wait the six weeks because I want baby to be healthy and still feel him in the warmth of my belly. I love to know that baby is attached closely to my umbilical cord and we are one entity. His movements are sometimes strange but reassuring.
Also, six weeks are nothing compared to 34 weeks that I’ve been pregnant.
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