11 Jun 2015

Wednesday

I wrote this on Thursday morning in relation to what happened on Wednesday. It's 11:49pm as I review this and my little girl's eye is feeling better and she was bubbly as her normal self. I don't feel so much as a mother who can't look after three kids. Two kids are a great number for but I love taking care of other children and I'm also capable of doing so. Incident can happen even with one child.

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Wednesday my parental goal was to make my children happy. On the other hand, my creative aim of the day was to do the TEN-on-TEN photo project.

But it's 3:32am on Thursday morning and I feel like crying thinking about yesterday afternoon.

Then yesterday, after a napless afternoon, I decided it was good for everyone to go to the spray park. I had a master plan in mind. 
  • Stay away from the water.
  • Play in the sandy park 
  • Then get them clean in the water
  • Change into warm clothes
  • Come home and cook why they play
The children were excellent, we played on the swings. Then AOI decided to try the monkey bars. TOI wanted to go on the slide so I helped him to go up for twice, while AOI patiently waited for me to help her up the monkey bars. She was so good at keeping herself lifted by only the leg. She sat on the bars and I even let go so she could see she was balancing. Then it was TOI's turn to try the monkey bars, because he just loves to do what sister does.

AOI is a 'big' girl who can climb on and off the steps that lead to the slide. She comes back to give me her crocs. She goes back on, maybe my mistake was that this time I didn't warn her to be careful.

My eyes were on tiny arms trying to reach the monkey bars. Then I hear the scream. I turn around and I ask myself where is AOI? I turn into her direction. I see a girl moving onto the side and my little girl running to me. I frantically ask my girl "What's the matter? What's wrong? What happened?" She keeps crying and won't say. I inspect her face for blood. My mind has shifted from TOI unto AOI. The girl I saw climbs the steps and tells me "She hit the bar of the step." Just in that fraction I see the swell coming out on the eyebrow. I panic inside but keep myself under control. I look for TOI who is throwing sand about and another boy telling not to, something I heard his mother tell him earlier.

I ask TOI to hold my hand, without complaint he reach his hand up. I lift AOI under my right arm and run-walk to the cold water. I dip my hands into the water to get it cold and press it on the horrible swell. I'm scared of it but I don't stop myself. TOI see me do that and he tries to help. I'm keeping my tears at bay. I keep on telling my little girl "It's okay, it's okay..." I don't have better words. Short breath she tells me "I bumped my face. I run into another girl." Then I see what my girl is trying to tell me. The mother of the girl I saw moving on the side for my daughter to run to me walks to me. "She had an awful bump. Can I help. I can bring a cloth to use."
"Yes." I don't know if she read the despair in my eyes but I didn't care. I wanted my daughter to be well there and fast. The hot knot in my throat doesn't allow me to talk too much or kiss my daughter on the head. I circle her shoulders tight in one arm.

I open my bag and bring out a towel. I use that to press the coldness on the swollen eye. TOI is so helpful. He keeps getting cold water with his tiny finger to put on to his sister's t-shirt. "Look, TOI is helping." I don't know what to do. To go home or the hospital. The woman helping me asks "Where is your car, I can help you there."
Another woman says "I will keep eye on your little boy as you take care of your girl."
"Thank you." I said as I press cold towel onto AOI's face. The lady reaches her hand out for TOI and he hold onto it. I decide we should go home and get ice onto the AOI's eye. The lady hold my boy in her arms, he didn't cry. They say little kids seem the soul of humankind, my little boy saw that this woman was helping his emotional mother. I told AOI to keep pressing the cold towel on her eye because the car is hot "Thank you mummy." I kissed her on the head, tears finding they way onto the edge of my eyes. I quickly took TOI from the woman helping and with my eyes in the space thank her quickly.

I start to cry when I lift my kids from the car I can't be a mother of more than two kids. I thought hot tears rolling down on my cheek, how can I keep my eyes on two kids and a third. I can't even look after two. Moreover, I cry because my daughter was in pain and I couldn't take that away. Asking her what happened wasn't going to cure the pain.

To think that all I wanted was to make my kids happy by taking them to a fun place turned into an horrible incident makes me feel crying.

3 comments:

  1. Go easy on yourself. Sadly we can not protect our children from everything out there. Not to minimize AOI's accident but in the grand scheme of things you did everything a good mother does. You were there when she needed you. You remained calm in her presence and tended to her injury. You did great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for your kind words, very appreciated :).

      Delete
  2. Lifeisfullofsunnydays said it perfectly well. I really don't have any words to add but I know that when things like this happen we need assurance. You did very good with the way you handled things .

    ReplyDelete

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