8 Dec 2015

Feelings

The light was beautiful as I took the camera to capture this still life.

08-12-2015

I feel like my role as a mother is on the downhill.

I get upset when my daughter acts out in public, cries for things that I view as silly but that maybe to her is a big deal.

It was time to show all the parents what they've learned from dance classes during this autumn. She was doing some parts beautifully and energetically, other other parts were done halfheartedly. Then it was time to roll on the mat, she was called last with her friend CB and something happened. Maybe she wanted one spot that she couldn't and tears started down. I was sweet initially then I wanted to cry because all I could think of was she's always the one crying. I felt so sad, because it's not nice to have your child cry at every event. I felt bad when I told her I was taking her home if she was crying. She didn't stop crying but she didn't want to go home either. She went back into class but kept on crying. Though the other parents were smiling and encouraging her I felt like she was disturbing everyone and everyone was thinking the worse of us. I wiped her tears encouraged her as much as possible but I didn't feel like cuddling her for her crying, I just wanted her to stop right away. I was so upset I could have cried myself. I took her out from the class to give her the proper ultimatum. Of course I did something I dislike doing but it's so easy to do, I pointed out the fact "Look, you're the only one crying here. It's not nice."

Then I feel like the worse mother in the world, this stage I'm in with my daughter is the worse stage yet because it make me question my role as a mother. Maybe the answer to all this is that I shouldn't think what people maybe think and do what I feel comfortable doing.

Also after everything was done and it was evening and I was still pondering on the matter I concluded that maybe she's only getting shy when it comes to people observing her doing something. Or I'm only over thinking.

Tomorrow is another day, I'll do better tomorrow.
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5 comments:

  1. You are an awesome mother and don't let anything or anyone convince you otherwise. Children act out from time to time and you will be surprised at how many people realize and understand that. It's definitely not a reflecting on what kind of mom you are. Chin up mama. You are doing a great job!!!!

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  2. You're a great mom. I think its the age. I have caught myself having the same questions. It will be OK. Kids are resilient and sometimes, they can't articulate what is upsetting them. The biggest thing is to be patient with them and it seems like you were with her.

    Kudos mom! It won't be the last time you'll question things either. At least that's why my folks say :-).

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  3. Don't over think it. You are doing the best you can with what you know. This is what I tell myself OFTEN while raising my girls.

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  4. You're awesome! She may have just been tired :) 4 comes with a lot of feelings (5 comes with a lot of sass mouth- you've been warned haha). & your kid may have been the only one crying that day, but rest assured all the other parents have been in your shoes too.

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  5. Parenting is growing with your child. There is something in this - her crying often - that is for you too. I pray that you find it and allow God to massage your heart as He works a good thing in you. Ephesians 2:10 Also, remember grace.

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