30 Dec 2015

Bright 2015!




Christmas came and went without a hello from me.

Now, 30/12, the night before New Year's Eve, I'm in a hotel room in BRONX,  the children are fast asleep, my husband can't sleep and he is watching a show on Netflix. The commuter train mixed with late night rain, the occasional siren, the next room loud TV, laughs and my children's rhythmic snoring is the backdrop sound as I tap my thoughts on my 'new' Mac (hubby's old one and I wonder when he will ask it back again).

On one of my 2014/15 vision board I envisage a night in New York city, the vision was a bit more grand but I'm more than happy to be in this little hotel room with the three people I love the most two days shy from the new year. Just to know that most of the things that I had on my 2015 wishlist came true is mind blowing.

The dream as a published writer turned into a reality, I did  more photography gigs and started to take on freelance jobs. I was invited to a local writing conference that I've always wished attending as participant and I was over the moon when I was invited to be a panelist.

We bought a new house, traveled more than I wished for. Spent summer with my sister in NYC at the @blogher15 #sheknows conference, wow! Had my in-laws over for a lovely long holiday with us, the kids enjoyed it some much, camped in new places in Saskatchewan, visited Edmonton twice, reconnected with old friends and connected with new friends. Friends that are more than happy to help me reach my dreams.

AMI and I celebrated 10 years of marriage, during those years we've learnt so much about each other and about ourselves.

AMI got awesome opportunities in his career and he just said 2016 is going to be even more amazing for him. AOI became aware of who she is, she had ups and downs when it came to her mood. TOI started the journey of the tantrum stage. They both had awesome time. My brothers are doing fine, my sisters-in-law are doing and working towards their dreams. My cute sweet little niece was born 19 days before Christmas, our holiday baby. Spent holidays with my sister and her lovely family.

Deciding to go visit my mother on New Year's Eve made us come to New York now and not earlier.

Outside is dark, I can't tell from the shadows what dawn will bring to my sight but I wish for the best, just as I wish for a BRIGHTER 2016 for myself and everyone!

8 Dec 2015

Feelings

The light was beautiful as I took the camera to capture this still life.

08-12-2015

I feel like my role as a mother is on the downhill.

I get upset when my daughter acts out in public, cries for things that I view as silly but that maybe to her is a big deal.

It was time to show all the parents what they've learned from dance classes during this autumn. She was doing some parts beautifully and energetically, other other parts were done halfheartedly. Then it was time to roll on the mat, she was called last with her friend CB and something happened. Maybe she wanted one spot that she couldn't and tears started down. I was sweet initially then I wanted to cry because all I could think of was she's always the one crying. I felt so sad, because it's not nice to have your child cry at every event. I felt bad when I told her I was taking her home if she was crying. She didn't stop crying but she didn't want to go home either. She went back into class but kept on crying. Though the other parents were smiling and encouraging her I felt like she was disturbing everyone and everyone was thinking the worse of us. I wiped her tears encouraged her as much as possible but I didn't feel like cuddling her for her crying, I just wanted her to stop right away. I was so upset I could have cried myself. I took her out from the class to give her the proper ultimatum. Of course I did something I dislike doing but it's so easy to do, I pointed out the fact "Look, you're the only one crying here. It's not nice."

Then I feel like the worse mother in the world, this stage I'm in with my daughter is the worse stage yet because it make me question my role as a mother. Maybe the answer to all this is that I shouldn't think what people maybe think and do what I feel comfortable doing.

Also after everything was done and it was evening and I was still pondering on the matter I concluded that maybe she's only getting shy when it comes to people observing her doing something. Or I'm only over thinking.

Tomorrow is another day, I'll do better tomorrow.
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1 Dec 2015

Welcome December

Yesterday for the very first time in ages the kids are both napping. AOI doesn't usually nap. She saw me going to her school and she called my name she was in a very good mood. I even managed to talk to her teacher about what I'm doing at home to help her control how badly she takes it if her friend CB want to play with other children. It's hard to learn to adapt to different situations when it comes to giving her friend the room to choose but she's learning.

All in all, November was amazing to me. I'm happy and grateful for everything that brought to me.  It was a busy month but full of new and rewarding experiences. Celebrating my daughter's birthday and launching my book. The cherry on the cake came when YM told me that my book reached the bestselling chart of my local bookstore. It was AMAZING!

December is going to be a month for
pure celebration and thanksgiving.
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